Swapping and Sharing Ideas with the Ex

Much of what we talk about here in the Single Parents blog in regards to our exes or our child’s other parent is how to cope and survive the challenges. It does not have to be all bad or all struggles, however, and if we are co-parenting with someone—sharing and swapping parenting ideas may be a helpful, productive activity. The truth is, if you are both involved in parenting your child or children, you may both have some reasonable insight. It can be tough to admit, especially if you are the primary parent, but other people might have some ideas … Continue reading →

Lessons in Cooperation

I think life in a single parent family offers us many advantages and opportunities for some important lessons. One of those lessons that may very well be present in all families but I would argue is more intense in single parent families, is cooperation. Whether we are co-parenting with another person, or just trying to keep all the balls in the air within our own household, it seems we are constantly working to cooperate and collaborate for the betterment of our families. If you do co-parent or share custody with your child’s other parent, you know how challenging those lessons … Continue reading →

Dealing with the Emotions of Going BACK to Court

Unfortunately, spending time in court can be part of the experience of many single parents. Some of us get off easily with simple divorce proceedings while others of us may have on-going custody battles or have to work things out in front of a judge because they cannot be worked out in any other way. When we think we have finished with the court appearances and court battles, however, and we suddenly find ourselves BACK in front of a judge, it can be disheartening, stressful and emotional. Years may have passed since you were in a courtroom and suddenly you … Continue reading →

Establishing a Chain of Information

Communication can be one of the ongoing challenges of the single parent. We have to get information to our children, their schools, family members, and often, we have to share and communicate information with the ex or the other parent. Exactly HOW we share that information can be one of the ways we get some order and structure into our single parent families. An effective and healthy “chain of information” can be beneficial. By this, I mean that we set an expectation and a priority of how we will communicate what and to whom and stick to it. For example, … Continue reading →

Single Parent Conflicts—Agree to Disagree

There is a time and a place for standing your ground. I know that many of my experiences as a single parent have taught me how to stand firm, advocate, and stick up for my own interests (and my families). This advocacy can turn to defensiveness, however, and we also need to learn how to communicate and coordinate with other parties and sometimes that means that we simple agree to disagree… Whether it is a disagreement with the Ex or your child’s other parent, a teacher or administrator at your child’s school, a grandparent, or some other person or party … Continue reading →

Coping with Illness and Shared Custody

Sick kids are seldom fun. As parents, we not only have their health to fuss over when one of our children gets sick, but we generally have to rearrange our schedules and make adjustments in order to accommodate and tend to the illness. As single parents, one of the illness realities that we have to contend with is a child who is going from one parents house to the other while sick. Either the child has gotten sick at one house and then has to travel mid-sick, or you might find that the child you sent away healthy has come … Continue reading →

Choosing Sides—Part One—When Friends and Family Start Choosing

It can be fairly common in a divorced or separated family for it to feel like there are different camps. To be honest, I think it is the rare situation where at least some of the individuals involved don’t feel like they need to choose sides and stake out a camp. For those of us who are trying to remain neutral or who are trying to protect our children from a situation where they will feel the tug and pull of side-taking, negotiating the “war zone” can be incredibly challenging and uncomfortable. To be completely fair, I know of two-parent … Continue reading →

The On-again, Off-again Parent

While there are some single parents who have very involved exes or other parents, and some of you have mastered the art of co-parenting and could probably teach the rest of us a thing or two—many of us have less than perfect co-parenting arrangements. They might range anywhere from the completely absent “other parent” to one who shows up and disappears seemingly at random. Dealing with the on-again, off-again other parent can be hard on the child and challenging for the primary parent… The thing about the on-again, off-again parent is that you cannot really complain or accuse him or … Continue reading →

Kids Can Pick up on the Tension, Even if you don’t Say Anything

Many of us single parents try really hard NOT to say anything negative or hateful about the ex or our ex-in-laws. Perhaps we are not perfect, but I do know that many single parents do try to keep their anger and anxiety to themselves. As long as there is tension, stress and negativity, however, whether it is unspoken or not—our kids do pick up on it. Does this mean we have to repress our feelings even further or can there be healthy ways of working thing out? I am of the opinion that it is the buried and repressed things … Continue reading →

Can You Share Concerns Safely with the Ex?

Communication with the Ex is a big challenge for many divorced and separated parents. We talk about it fairly often here because it can be such a huge problem. What can we talk about? When? And how best should we go about it? If we are in a situation where we are co-parenting and sharing custody of the child or children, then we need to be able to communicate with each other. Unfortunately, many divorced and separated parents feel like they cannot share their true concerns about their children for fear that it opens them up to criticism or that … Continue reading →