A Single Mom Looks at Father’s Day

In all honesty, I have some ambivalence about Father’s Day. While I definitely still remind my kids that it is coming up, they are old enough now that I have stepped out of the loop when it comes to being overly assertive in trying to help them do something for their dad. In fact, I pretty much leave it up to them other than mentioning that the day is impending. There are some great fathers out there. I have heard tales and I know there are plenty of people on this site who are constantly commenting about having the most … Continue reading →

Sudden Power Struggles with the Ex

Things may be going along nicely in your co-parenting relationship; you may have worked out a communication style that suits the both of you, you might even get along with your ex’s new partner and everyone seems content and well-adjusted. Suddenly, without warning, tempers flare and you find yourself in and power struggle or dealing with long-buried old issues that have shown up again. What can you do to diffuse the situation? I have learned to expect “flare-ups” during times of stress or transition—when the kids entered high school, for example, or with the current graduations. Any time you are … Continue reading →

Blended and Divorced Families and Major Events—Part Two

I promised when I was writing Part One of this series on getting through major family events when you are part of a blended, divorced, and rearranged modern family that I would write this article providing tips for HOW to actually cope and survive. I do think there are some skills and coping mechanisms that can make it less stressful. Try to remember that you STILL cannot control what other people do or how they react. I know this can be a hard one and I am one of those single parents whose first inclination is try to organize the … Continue reading →

Blended and Divorced Families and Major Events—Part One

For many of us single parents, most of the time we can get away with NOT having to interact with our ex-in-laws or other extended family members on a regular basis. In fact, as the children get older—even parents who have shared custody may find that they rarely have to talk to each other. When major life events come along, however—such as a wedding, funeral, birth of a baby, or (as is my current family situation, graduation)—we are forced to have to figure out how to get along, coordinate and/or detach in order to salvage what sanity we can. I … Continue reading →

When the Other Parent Doesn’t Play by the Same Rules–Part Two

Yesterday, I touched on the subject of dealing with different operating agenda for two separate parents–you may have certain ideas about what sort of “rules” should apply to sharing custody and raising your child, and the other parent may have separate standards. While it can be incredibly frustrating and, at times, you may feel tempted to stoop to a lower level–you can hold out and stay the course with your idea of how you should act. You will never be able to control the other parent’s behavior–but you can set expectations and guidelines around your own behavior and parenting choices. … Continue reading →

When the Other Parent Doesn’t Play by the Same Rules–Part One

I have been writing a short little series on neutrality and sharing some tips for how to stay or appear neutral–even when you are not necessarily “feeling it” on the inside. One of the issues that can come up in co-parenting, single parenting, or sharing custody with an ex is that the other parent may very well NOT play by the same rules that you do… Perhaps you are like me, you’ve read several books on single parenting and you have set out to do the best job possible–providing healthy boundaries and making sure that you at least try to … Continue reading →

Why does it Bother Me when the Ex Refers to the Kids as Ours or His?

We all have our triggers. I find that even though years have passed (or maybe because years have passed) and I have put my divorce and my former life comfortably behind me, I still have some triggers when it comes to my children’s other parent. One of the things that irk me is when he refers to “his” kids or calls them “our” kids. Isn’t that a silly and obvious thing to be getting all worked up about? Alright, so I don’t really get “all worked up” about it, it is more like the grating of fingernails on a chalkboard. … Continue reading →

When the Ex is Self-Absorbed

There are many of us single parents who are divorced or separated who may not have the highest of opinions of the “ex.” We might be convinced that he or she is all sorts of awful and has multiple personality deficiencies—some of which may or may not actually be true. One of the complaints that come up again and again by single parents of both genders is that the other parent or the ex is “self-absorbed.” What does this actually mean and what can we do to make communication more successful? A self-absorbed person is self-focused and believes or acts … Continue reading →

“Just Friends” or “Still Friends”?

The trend in some social circles (not to mention the suggested goal of some books and specialists) is for divorced and separated individuals to remain good friends. While I can definitely see the advantages for child rearing if both parents remain warm and friendly, I can also understand why many of us do not and cannot remain friendly with our exes. Whether it is an ex-spouse or someone with whom we have dated or been involved—why is the goal or expectation that we HAVE to remain friendly? Can we be cordial and business-like and not feel compelled to be buddies? … Continue reading →

What About When OTHER People Say Negative Things About the Ex?

We single parents know that we are supposed to refrain from bashing our exes in front of the kids and I know we have talked a bit about it here in the Single Parents Blog—but what happens when our friends or family members say negative things about our ex, the other parent, in front of our kids? How should we handle it? Should we defend, ignore, set a firm boundary? It can be an awkward situation… For me, this didn’t seem to be much of a problem when my children were younger—people just seemed to understand that it was inappropriate. … Continue reading →