Are Letters a Good Way to Communicate with the Ex?

Communication may have been a problem area when you were partnered with your child’s ex, AND many of us single parents find communicating with the ex or our child’s other parent(s) to be one of the most challenging aspects of sharing custody. Many of us look for ways to make communicating about childrearing and custody arrangements as painless and efficient as possible. We might consider turning to letter-writing as a way to get said what we want to but letter-writing can have its pros and its cons… Writing a letter can be a good way to organize your thoughts and … Continue reading →

Do You Coordinate Gifts With Your Child’s Other Parent?

“Coordination” is not always something that comes easily for divorced or separated (or never-partnered) co-parents. While some of us do manage to get along and make some joint parenting decisions, others of us find it to be a real struggle. This time of year, one of the issues that comes up is gifts–who gets what? Do you talk about your gift list for your child and divide things up? Is it each parent on his own? Do you ever go together on a large, joint gift? Does one parent just contribute financially and the other buys all the gifts? My … Continue reading →

Can Your Kids Learn to Respect You When Your Ex Doesn’t?

The reality of my single parent family is that my children’s father does not always show the greatest of respect for me. There isn’t anyone around to say “Don’t speak to your mother that way!” (except for me) and since we aren’t living in a fairy tale, I have had to contend with my kids feeling a shifting in loyalties from time to time. There isn’t anything I can do about it and I’ve had several years to learn that I have to demand and earn my kids’ respect on my own terms. I know that I am not alone … Continue reading →

Try to Keep Parenting and Financial Discussions Separate

I know that not all single parent families are formed by divorce or separation, but many of us do have another parent or an “ex” out there to contend with. Emotions and history can make communication and joint decision-making tough. One way to try to keep things a bit more “functional” is to keep financial and property discussions separate from discussions about parenting and child concerns. I think that money conversations can complicate just about any relationship and financial matters are definitely at the top of the list when it comes to stressful conversations we have with our child’s other … Continue reading →

How Friendly do You Have to Be With Ex?

One of the questions that comes up again and again with divorced and separated parents, or with those who share custody or co-parent a child or children is how friendly do you actually have to be? Well, like most issues in human relations–it all depends… I think that as years pass, many of us find it easier to be more “friendly” with an ex. I was talking with a woman recently whose child was grown–nearly thirty–and recently got married. She shared that since her child was an adult and had been for years, she hadn’t had to interact with her … Continue reading →

Dealing With “Drop-In” Visits

I am a pretty relaxed and flexible person when it comes to most things. I want my friends to feel like they can stop by and drop in for a quick visit, but I do appreciate the advance warning. However, I do NOT appreciate when my kids’ other parent, or other family members stop in for drop-in visits. I know that this can be a troublesome issue for many single-parent households. Boundaries are one of those things that I do reasonably well, so I do not have a lot of appreciation for those who don’t. I “get it” but I … Continue reading →

Exes Don’t HAVE to Battle

We do not have to give in to the stereotype of the battling, disagreeing, misunderstanding exes with our child’s other parent. Sure, there may be plenty of hard feelings that need to be worked through and processed left over from our relationship, a separation, or a divorce. And, we are only human after all–but we don’t HAVE to be oppositional and sparring ex-partners, we can choose to be a different kind of exes… Okay, I fully admit that all exes and all parents are not created equally–there are plenty of dangerous, immature, annoying, irresponsible, or lazy parents out there–whether they … Continue reading →

Should You Consider Professional Mediation?

Do you find attempts at negotiation and conversation with your ex-spouse or your child’s other parent deteriorate into screaming matches or you are just unable to come to agreements about parenting and custody issues? Are you having a hard time getting schedules worked out or keeping the lines of communication open between one side of your child’s family and the other? Are you still trying to come up with a workable parenting agreement? If there are still unresolved issues and problems regarding parenting your child, then you might want to consider bringing in a professional mediator to help you with … Continue reading →

Getting in the Right Frame of Mind for Negotiations

I know that “doing business” with your child or children’s other parent is not always a matter of convenience. We can’t always plan things out for times when we are feeling calm and neutral and well-rested. Still, if you are a single parent by divorce or separation, of if there is still another parent in your child’s life out there somewhere–there is a good chance that you will occasionally have to interact with each other and negotiate, and this can bring out our evil twin if we aren’t prepared… Boy, do I know this one firsthand! If I have had … Continue reading →

Dealing With the “Ex” in Public

After a divorce or separation, you may be hoping for “out of sight, out of mind.” Or, at least, you might like to only have to deal with your ex at pre-arranged times for transfers and child-related decisions. However, there is the “public” factor to be considered—all the sporting events, special occasions, and performances involving your child where you will have to deal with the ex, and possible his or her new partner, in public. I don’t know about you, but the public events were the hardest for me to get used to. I would get “triggered”—particularly at my kids’ … Continue reading →