When you first get divorced you go through the stages of grief. You are mourning a loss, even if you initiated that divorce or were in an abusive relationship, it’s still a loss. Under the pain of the divorce lies all your hopes and dreams, that is what you are mourning, what could have been. One of the first things you have to come to terms with when you divorce is being alone. When your children are with you it may seem that you never have a moment to yourself, but this is a different type of loneliness. Initially you … Continue reading →

Sometimes I feel like the odd man out. It seems that everywhere I go people are coupled up. All the kids have father’s in the home, it may not be their birth father, but they have a male presence in their home. It makes me sad that we don’t have that. It also makes it hard to go places, I’m always the only single person. I’m not sure how that happened, I know lots of single women but it seems that when I see them, it’s because a bunch of us single women get together. Considering how common single parents … Continue reading →

Nadia Suleman may be one of the most famous single moms around right now. Giving birth to eight children at one time, to bring her grand total to fourteen was something most of us saw as outrageous, especially since she had no way to support them. Rarely do I sympathize with her, although I do worry about her children. Recently her hairdresser took some pictures at her home and gave them to a media outlet to show that the children were being neglected. First, if you are really concerned you would have called child welfare services instead of going to … Continue reading →

Why isn’t there a super hero single mother? Some days I feel like I must be super human to get it all done. Unfortunately I’m not super human and at the end of most days I’m just tired. Women in general seem to shoulder the lions share of child rearing and housekeeping, and have for a very long time. Things are getting better, more fathers are actively involved in raising their kids and more men are helping around the house. The majority still falls to the women, and when you are a single mother, there is no majority, it’s all … Continue reading →

Have you ever been in a public place and watched a young child, or even a teenager talk to his or her parent with a complete lack of respect? I always feel bad for the mom but I feel worse for the child. Someone has taught him that this behavior is not only acceptable, but a normal way to get what you want. As a single mother it’s hard to be the only disciplinarian but we must do it. How our children treat us now is a reflection of how they will treat us and other adults when they are … Continue reading →

What an experience this has been! Hailey was in a car accident on Wednesday. Fortunately everyone in both vehicles was okay. Unfortunately the car is totaled. These past few days have been really hard on my own. Being a single parent is physically exhausting but sometimes the mental exhaustion is worse. I felt so torn between staying with Hailey to make sure she was ok and doing all the things the insurance company needed me to do. Did I do the right things? I haven’t filed an insurance claim in twenty five years so I had no idea where to … Continue reading →

Just when I think we are over the hump of scary things that happen, I find out how wrong I was. My daughter was in a car accident on Wednesday. She’s fine, which is really all that matters but once again I’m reminded how much easier this would be if I had a spouse. I think my heart missed a beat when she called and said she was in an accident. Since she wasn’t too far from home I drove to the scene of the accident, the whole way wishing I had someone to hold my hand and tell me … Continue reading →

Isn’t it funny the things we automatically assume? There are so many stereotypes out there that by now they are almost law. People hear something and then experience it, then it must be true. This is something that all single parents struggle with, whether they are a single mom or a single dad. As hard as I try to be nonjudgmental I know I’ve made the same judgments myself. If your ex husband is a dead beat dad then somehow that’s your fault, you must have seen it coming and how could you bring children into the world knowing the … Continue reading →

I was recently reminded of all the little comforts we provide for our children that almost become set in stone. Things that you do when they are sick, sad or just not happy with the world. I was reminded of this by a three year old with a tummy ache. I’m sure married parents do the same thing but for us single moms, those little things we do become almost a talisman. They give us something to hold onto when it’s dark, our child is sick and we are afraid. Even at eighteen Hailey believes in the healing power of … Continue reading →

Last night I was reminded how hard it is to be a single mother of a toddler. I kept my friend’s three year old over night. I love spending time with this little girl, we played games and watched movies. In the middle of the night I heard a noise, it was sweet little Ivy, she had thrown up in her bed. Now if there are two parents one of them can clean up the child while the other ones strips the bed. Since there was only me, I cleaned Ivy up and tucked her into my bed. By that … Continue reading →