Category Archives: Improving Social Skills

Ten Rules of Conversation for Asperger Teens

Children with Asperger’s Disorder sometimes have a difficult time relating to peers due to their social awkwardness and narrow, often obsessive, interests. Especially during adolescence, these kids want to make friends and even date but they misinterpret important social cues. For example, they might speak too loudly or get too close, making other teens uncomfortable. They might talk incessantly about their peculiar hobbies, leaving peers perplexed at how to relate. They might have odd behaviors which tip-off classmates that something about them is unusual, yet it’s subtle enough that it doesn’t appear to be a disability. So peers think, “That … Continue reading →

Trading Scrapbooks: Help Your Child Talk to You About School

Something mysterious was going on at Kyle’s school. Maybe. Or maybe not. Every time I asked him, “How was school today?” he would get a big grin on his face, blush, and cover his eyes. “I can’t see! I can’t see!” He’d say. This was his answer no matter what I asked about school. It was strange. I was curious, so I tried to probe further. “Kyle, who are your friends in class?” “I can’t see! I can’t see!” Although Kyle, who is fourteen, has autistic disorder, his language skills are strong enough to answer these questions. But he was … Continue reading →

Should You Let Your Special Needs Child…gulp…Date?

If you’re like me, this topic makes you say, “Yikes.” There’s something really nerve-wracking about the idea that our special needs child might someday date. This is especially true for parents of children with cognitive disabilities such as Down syndrome, autism spectrum disorders, and so forth. These children can be particularly vulnerable and it’s hard to imagine them handling any kind of romantic friendship, no matter how innocent. (Let’s face it, it’s not always pleasant picturing our neuro-typical kids dating either.) Here are some tips I would offer: Don’t panic. First, recognize that often times these special adolescents don’t even … Continue reading →

“Mommy, Tell Me a Social Story!”

Children on the autism spectrum, like those with Asperger’s syndrome, have difficulty with social cognition. Concepts like making and keeping friends, being polite, considering people’s feelings, etc., can be totally mystifying. Most of us are able to navigate through friendly interactions quite easily, even though conversation is random and unpredictable. But randomness and spontaneity are overwhelming to kids on the spectrum. In order for these special children to have any hope of achieving meaningful relationships and functioning well in society, we need to teach them basic social behavior in a way they can understand. One technique which can be very … Continue reading →

A Special Show-and-Tell

I was talking to my twelve-year-old son’s teacher in a conference. “He’s a perfectionist,” the teacher said. “He works so hard at perfecting his assignments, he often doesn’t finish.” I looked over his grades. They weren’t bad grades, but they certainly weren’t indicative of his abilities. My son Riley is a high-achiever. This is a child who, when asked to create a simple comic strip for art, spent days mapping out a fantasy world with dragon-like creatures, then wrote a plot, character description, and an episodic story line. He often goes well beyond what is expected. “What do you think … Continue reading →

Teaching Modesty: Creating a “Private Zone”

All children are vulnerable to predators—people who might want to take advantage of their innocence. Children on the autism spectrum and those with developmental delays are obviously even more at risk because of their inability to understand what behaviors are appropriate and inappropriate. An adult or older child might confuse a special needs child with terms that seem harmless like “friendship” or “hugs” or “secret.” And even if our children are never put in a dangerous situation, they could inadvertently embarrass themselves by exposing or talking about their private parts at improper times and places. Especially as our children approach … Continue reading →

“Your kid is HOW old?” Guiding Your Child To Age-Appropriate Behaviors

Children with special needs often have developmental delays which may cause them to be more immature than their peers. Mental retardation, autism, and various learning disabilities can create a noticeable gap between a child’s developmental age and his or her actual age. For example, an eight-year-old girl with Down Syndrome might be fixated on carrying a tattered baby blanket. Or a boy on the autism spectrum who is ten might want to wear a Barney T-shirt. It’s a good idea for parents to help guide their special kids into behaviors which are more age-appropriate. Does “age appropriate” really matter? I … Continue reading →

Why Modeling is Good for Your Child

Now wait a minute. Were you assuming that I meant modeling clothing? Did you think I was suggesting that your child should strive to strut down a runway in her future? Ahem, no. But perhaps that’s a good way to explain what I really mean. When a designer puts his clothes on someone, he chooses a person with a fabulous figure, tall, slender, who can walk with confidence and grace. He wants to demonstrate the possibilities with his design, and how it’s supposed to look and fit, ideally. And what does his model do? (Excuse the use of pronouns here. … Continue reading →

The EYES Have It: How Eye Contact Can Transform Your Child

in your eyes– the light the heat– in your eyes– I am complete– in your eyes– I see the doorway to a thousand churches– in your eyes– the resolution of all the fruitless searches– in your eyes — Peter Gabriel The Power of Eye Contact There is a dramatic, powerful human connection that takes place when two people gaze into each other’s eyes. Its effect has marveled people throughout time. Eye-to-eye gaze between two individuals can send the subconscious message, “I see you. I want to understand you; I want you to understand me. I care about you.” In the … Continue reading →

“MY turn!” “YOUR turn!”

It’s very important for children to learn the concept of turn-taking. Taking turns demonstrates patience, cooperation, social etiquette, and can be a foundation for building relationships. But taking turns can be very difficult for young children with mental disabilities. They might not understand that the ball or toy will come back to them once it’s gone to someone else. They feel a sense of panic or frustration at the loss. A child who can’t take turns will have great difficulty making friends, and is likely to struggle in school. So it’s a good idea to teach your child how to … Continue reading →