Why YOUR Behavior Matters to Your Child

As you go about your day, your child is constantly observing you. Even the developmentally delayed child is constantly trying to process information and make sense of what she sees. As a parent, you are your child’s primary role model. The way you respond to various situations makes an indelible mark on your child’s psyche. A behaviorally-disordered child is especially in need of a good parental role model. Kids who have trouble controlling themselves crave visual “cues” for how to act. So it’s a good idea to take stock of your own behaviors and make improvements whenever possible. Don’t assume … Continue reading →

“You’re in BIG trouble!” When Your Special Needs Child Breaks a School Rule

Children with ADHD, Aspergers, bipolar disorder, and other disorders which affect behavior may at some point find themselves in trouble at school. Problems with impulse control, hyperactivity, and other issues make them more likely to misbehave. So you might wonder… what if my son or daughter hurts another child? What if he or she causes loud disruptions or breaks school rules? Can a special needs child be suspended? Expelled? Does my child have any protections due to his disability? The Tightrope Walk If a student with a disability breaks a school rule, it’s a difficult situation for the parents, but … Continue reading →

When Your Child Wants REVENGE

In my early experiences of trying to discipline my stepdaughter with ADHD, things got really rough. I mentioned in a previous blog that on one occasion we found that a can of paint had been mysteriously opened and poured purposely across our bathroom cabinets. We also found holes dug in the walls after we had tried standing her in the corner on an occasion when her behavior was outrageous. She had sneakily taken her fingernails and dug deep pits into the walls. How she did it without being observed is a mystery. On another occasion, she scribbled all over the … Continue reading →

Five Ways to Deal With a Power-Hungry Child

If a child misbehaves because he craves attention, but can’t get a satisfying result, he will often move to the mistaken goal of seeking power. In my previous blog I listed the four basic mistaken goals children have which lead to misbehavior: Seeking Attention. Seeking Power. Seeking Revenge. Seeking Emotional Isolation. The Child Who Craves Power Each of the above mistaken goals are the child’s misguided way of trying to belong. All children want to belong, to be accepted, to fit in, and to be loved. The child who wants power makes the erroneous assumption that if he defies adults … Continue reading →

How to Handle a Child Who Craves Attention

All children have a strong desire to belong. They want love, acceptance, and a place where they can “fit in.” They will go to great lengths to achieve a state of belonging. Most children will learn to follow the social “laws” of etiquette and will obey home and classroom rules in order to be accepted. However, some children seek belonging in inappropriate ways. They have mistaken goals that they hope will help them to find acceptance. All childhood misbehaviors originate from one of the following four mistaken goals: Seeking Attention Seeking Power Seeking Revenge Seeking emotional isolation When Your Child … Continue reading →

Survive the Drive: How to Get Your Kids to Behave in the Car

Are family car trips maddening enough to send you into irritation overdrive? Ever wonder what you can do to make things “run” a bit smoother? With seven children, I’ve learned some techniques for keeping things calm in the car. Depending on your child’s age, type of behavior problems, and cognitive ability, you might select one of the following options: 1. Involve the kids in an activity. It’s hard to squabble or whine while you’re having fun. Get the kids playing a game of “I spy,” or “bingo.” And on long trips, portable DVD players can be worth their weight in … Continue reading →

“You’re not my BOSS!” Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Our family was on vacation, and my nine-year-old stepdaughter was up to her usual antics. It started with teasing her brother. As he screamed, I called her out of the room and made her sit at the kitchen table next to me. She began to get very mouthy and rude. I then had her sit on a chair, away from the activity of the family, for twenty minutes. That’s when she began a tirade of dramatic remarks, namely that I hated her, the whole family hated her, and that she was “always punished for no reason.” She screamed, stomped her … Continue reading →

Help Your Child to be More Cooperative

A common cause of tantrums, outbursts, and refusals is a child’s sense that he has lost control. Children desperately want to feel that they have some control over themselves and their environment. Thus, they get into frequent power struggles with mom and dad. For example, if your son starts getting out modeling clay and you say, “No, put that away, we’re about to eat dinner,” you have taken away his power of choice–both how he can choose to spend his time, and what objects he can manipulate in his environment. And when you announce “It’s time for bed,” you have … Continue reading →

You Know Your Kid is the BOSS When…

Raising a child is a difficult job. Raising a special needs child, especially one with behavior problems, is an even greater challenge. We make a lot of mistakes as parents, but it’s good to relax and laugh at ourselves once in a while. We all can relate to things occasionally getting WAY out of control. (More than occasionally?) Anyway, just for fun and a bit of humor, I’ve written the following: You know your kid is the BOSS when… 1. He tells you what you’re making for dinner tonight. 2. She’s the one pushing the shopping cart while you sprint … Continue reading →