Life is designed to teach us things we need to know. Sometimes we “get” those lessons the first time around, and sometimes we have to learn them over and over and over again before they really sink in and we realize how we’ve been sabotaging ourselves. In the new nonfiction book “Caught in the Headlights,” author Barry K. Phillips takes ten of the lessons he learned the hard way and shares them with us, in the hopes that we’ll learn from his mistakes and not have to smack our heads against the same walls. With a conservative Christian approach, he tackles:
1. Happiness – Barry thought that what he really wanted was happiness, but then he realized that what he truly craved was peace. After he stepped off the track of happiness hunting, he turned his attentions instead toward relationships and putting those things in his life that would bring him peace.
2. Self-esteem – he thought he wanted self-esteem, but then he realized that a focus on self-esteem was really just a focus on self. Instead, he sought out a feeling of confidence that came from doing what was right.
3. Pride – he wanted to protect his pride, but then he learned that pride simply has no place in a peaceful life. One of my favorite quotes from the book reads: “I was always told when I was young that if you were truly great at something, you had no need to boast of it; others would take care of that for you. Eventually, I learned that if you have truly rid yourself of pride, you don’t need someone else to boast for you, either.”
4. Freedom – he wanted freedom to do as he pleased, but then he learned that true freedom brings about the privilege of having duties, and that we should feel honored to carry out those duties to the best of our abilities.
5. Control – he wanted control of his life and it frustrated him when things didn’t go his way. But then he learned to look for opportunities as they came and to be grateful for them, loosening up his expectations a little bit and living more in the moment.
6. Tolerance – he wanted to learn to be tolerant, but as he grew older, he learned that there are certain things in life we simply should not be tolerant of. We can respect others’ choices and let them live however they want, but we should not be so tolerant that we loosen our own belief systems because of it.
7. Forgiveness – he wanted to be forgiven, but he learned that it’s so much better to forgive. When we adopt an attitude of forgiveness in our lives, we won’t be weighed down with resentment, righteous indignation, and prideful hurt.
8. Success – he wanted to be successful, but he learned that for each person, success is going to mean something different. Our successes should be of lasting importance and concrete emotional and spiritual value, or they mean nothing.
9. The Big Event – he wanted his ship to come in and thought that if he could just land this one account or just have this one client sign – but then he learned that waiting your whole life for one incredible thing to happen was a waste. Life-changing moments happen every day, and we must seize upon them instead of passing them by, waiting for that “one big thing” that will change it all.
10. A Perfect Body – he wanted to have a perfect body, but he learned that having a healthy body was much more important. We can’t overwork ourselves in pursuit of a model-type body and still have time for all the other important things, and if we did, we’d end up injuring ourselves. Seek for healthy ways to live, not necessarily billboard beauty.
Barry’s humorous approach to teaching these lessons is entertaining and yet very educational. Many of his insights struck chords with me and I appreciated the way he included a “how to” list, of sorts, at the end of every chapter. Rather than just outlining his perceptions, he then gave us tips on how we can change our misperceptions in our own lives.
In the end, the message is that we should find a way to live our lives so that we truly have peace, that we’re comfortable with who we are, what we stand for, and what we hope to achieve. And I think reading this book is a great way to begin that journey.
(This book was published in 2008 by Cedar Fort.)
Related Blogs:
Enjoying the Journey: Steps to Finding Joy Now
Author Interview: Rebecca Cornish Talley