Child support finally caught up with Jonathan’s dad. They took all of his money out of his savings. Not that it was that much, but it was something, and it was all his dad had at this point since he hasn’t worked for a year. His dad called me, gave me a sob story, asked if he sent child support every month, would I be willing to send it back so he could get back on his feet. That way he wasn’t accruing a debt with child support. He told me child support collections didn’t care about the person paying child support, only the person who had the child. For the case to be reviewed, he would have to pay all these fees, hire a lawyer, blah, blah, blah. He said he didn’t care if I kept the money they took out of his savings, but he just needed some time to get back on his feet. I told him I could probably do that for a little while. Then, he called me back a week later with yet another sob story. He had crashed his car, and would need the money that child support took from his savings to buy a new one. After this I actually called the child support worker, and asked her some questions, only to find out that he was lying to me once again. I thought maybe his time in the service had helped him to mature, and he really wanted to change his life around. Then, there I stood, duped again.
This was a man I once loved. A man I still care for, but the more I thought about it the angrier I got. I realized the reason I would agree to all of this was because I did still care about him, and didn’t want to make him angry again. Granted, we have never went hungry, went without a roof over our head, or without clothes on his back, but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t use the extra money from child support, especially during those special times like Christmas, birthday, etc. If it ever got to a point that we didn’t need extra money, then he could definitely use it for college.
That’s when I realized, I wasn’t mad because of what he has done, nor what he was doing again to me. I wasn’t mad because he lied to me, or because he was hurting me. I was mad because it was our son, my son, that was the one suffering when he didn’t send child support. It was Jonathan that couldn’t pick out a special treat from the grocery store. It’s Jonathan that couldn’t choose one toy or video game a month or even every couple of months.
That’s when I realized that this was, yet again, another one of those changes that have happened since becoming a single parent. I know that I put him first for everything. I realize that, but this is the first time that his wanting and my emotions ever came side by side, and brought me to the realization that he truly does come first in every aspect of my life. A lot of my decisions in life are greatly influenced by emotions even though I usually think about those decisions for lengthy amounts of time. I suppose this is no different, as it is being rules by my emotions for my son. However, I came to my conclusion because of my son, because his feelings are more important than mine.
I tell everyone this, not just to tell you about the changes that single parenting can bring about. I do it because if I can help just one single parent (male or female), stand up to their ex for the well being of their child, even if it’s going to “make them mad again,” then it’s worth it.