If your marriage is going through problems and you are trying to change a negative pattern, the most important thing is not to give up too soon. You need what my Mom used to call stick-ability. In other words, sometimes you just need to persevere and stick at it. Trying to change a pattern or a habit requires time as well as effort. The main thing is not be come discouraged and give up if you don’t see instant results.
When you first started going together, what things did you enjoy doing? These are the types of things you need to resurrect and make time for, whether it is a romantic dinner, a trip to some place, a visit to the movies or an art gallery, sitting together in each other’s arms sharing your dreams for the future and talking. Initiate some of these activities. You may say but we don’t have time to do them. Make time. You can always find time for those things that are important. If your marriage is important, you will make the time to get it back on track. What else is more important?
See if you can get someone to look after the kids for a weekend, so you can spend a romantic weekend away. Remember what is was that made you fall in love with your spouse to begin with and concentrate on recapturing those feelings.
Compliment them when they do something that is thoughtful or helpful. Praise can do wonders for making people feel good about themselves and more inclined to want to repeat the experience. Hopefully you praise your children when they do things that are right, does your spouse deserve any lesser treatment? So why not also praise your spouse when they do?
Remind them and yourself at the same time, of their positive qualities and focus on them. And most of all, don’t give up. Nothing worthwhile is ever achieved without effort, so put the effort back into making your marriage work.
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