When there is a problem with your child that needs addressing, or a phase that pops up that you need to deal with as a parent, it may seem like just figuring out what to do is the hard part. I think, however, that the hardest part is those first few days of balking and resistance that come from the child! Just because you have come up with a grand and logical solution, doesn’t mean that the child will be thrilled to welcome the limits and boundaries. As a parent, you should expect that the first couple days will be tough, the resistance will be high and intense, but that if you stand your ground it will get easier over time.
Let’s say that you have decided that your child is spending way too much time on the computer. After a bit of parental dileberation, you decide to set a time limit–the child gets one hour of computer play time only after homework and chores are done. You sit the child down calmly and inform her of this new rule. Does she smile and thank you for looking out for her well-being? Well…chances are she screams and cries and complains that you are a tyrant and a horrible parent; then tries to throw in guilt about how she will be ostracized from all her peers because she is not “online” when all the prime social networking is going on, and if all that doesn’t work, she might try the tactic where she accuses you of being so old and out of touch and that just because “they didn’t have computers back in your day” doesn’t give you the right to ruin her life!
Sound pretty realistic? Then, for the first few days/weeks, she will try to push the limits on this new rule to see if you really mean it. If you let her one hour slip over into one and a half or two, or if you do not provide any consequences when she does break the new rule, she will know that you don’t really mean it and you might even find the peace preferable to the resistance. However, if you can just stick it out for those first few days/weeks until she gets the message that you really do mean business, the resistance will fade and she will accept that you are the one in charge and the new computer rule sticks.
Unfortunately, popularity as a parent is fleeting–we have to be willing to tolerate the disdain and temporary hatred to do what we think is right for our child.
Also: Attachment Parenting–House Rules
Let Your Kids Know They Can Blame it On You