I thought I might write about a rather ambiguous topic this morning because this has actually come up in a couple recent conversations I’ve been privy to. Many of us approach parenting with a “Plan”–how many children we want to have, how far apart, etc. And, others just sort of take things as they come and see what the universe has in store for them. At some point, most parents or individuals do find themselves deciding whether or not they want to have more children. I’ve found in recent conversations that many of us worry that we may change our minds one way or the other down the road. And then what?!
When I was a spry twenty-year-old, I wanted to have ten children. I envisioned myself living amidst this bustle-y, chaotic world of kids, working, gardening, writing great poetic masterpieces, painting in my light-filled studio. Well, after three kids in a little more than three years, reality set in and, while I didn’t completely rule out more children, I decided to take a break, and if I wanted more down the road I would adopt. I haven’t really ever regretted that decision, although I have wondered occasionally “what if” my life had turned out differently or I’d had more children or whatever. As it was, supporting three children as a single parent has been challenging enough. I absolutely love being a mom, but my life really hasn’t gone as I envisioned all those years ago!
I think changing our mind about the number of children we want is really fairly common. We may decide we really want more or less–our marital or financial circumstances may change, we might find we love parenthood and are dandy at it, or that there are other things we want to do too and don’t want to have as many children as we originally intended. I’m not sure why we think we have to be so decisive and rigid instead of allowing ourselves a little room to change our minds over time. I know that biology and time clocks can be a little limiting, but there is always adoption or foster parenting if we choose to have more children later in life.
I think that it’s pretty safe to assume that we just MIGHT change our minds–just like we change our minds about so many other things. But, instead of fussing and wondering about what we’ll do when and if we do, it’s probably best to just live each day and take things as they come. We can deal with our changing minds down the road when that time comes. I’m interested in what you all think, however–have you faced that moment when you’ve wondered if you want more or less children? Have your plans or life changed or shifted? Do you feel the pressure of biology and time to make hard and fast decisions about building a family?