I feel myself shifting gears—without really making a conscious attempt, I find that I am changing from being the protective, nurturing parent of dependent children to nudging and pushing them as they prepare to leave the nest. I never would have imagined that I would be both ready and understanding of my children’s inevitable departure, but it seems almost biological. I feel like one of those animal mothers who, when the time comes, runs her children out of the next so that they can begin to live life on their own.
My kids and I have started to joke about it; my daughter teases me about biting and snapping at her as I chase her out of the den. That is not what is really happening, but I do feel myself making a mental shift from “How can I protect and shelter my children?” to “How can I encourage and support them to become more independent?” I have always been one of those parents who knew that I was preparing my children for adulthood, but I find that I am almost naturally turning into a different sort of parent than I have been all along.
What can be so challenging at this stage is that our children can be insecure, stressed, worried and anxious. As a parent, it can be tempting to baby them and shelter them and offer to do things for them since they are so stressed and anxious. Part of me wants to tell them that they can just stay put, stay young, and that I will take care of them. Another part of me, however, just seems to instinctively know that this is not in anyone’s best interest. Instead, I offer to help them learn how to do things themselves. Sure, I could tell them that they don’t really have to go to college, or think about getting a job, or develop a budget for paying for school—I COULD just offer to do that for them to make it easier and less stressful, but I know in my heart of heart that isn’t right. Strangely enough, just as I learned and new the things to do to care for a baby, a toddler, and other ages that my children went through, the instinctual parent in me seems to know that now is the time to nudge them out into the world on their own.
See Also: Empty Nest Syndrome for the Single Parent
Making the Best of the Empty Nest