One of the big issues for parents is dealing with wining, screaming, and rude demands that come from our children. Some of these “tones of voice” can be so aggravating and annoying, it makes us want to bark or scream back. Believe it or not, the best way to change a child’s tendency to use such annoying ways of speaking and communicating is to NOT pay attention when they do…
Now, I am not advocating blatantly ignoring a child who is whining or being obnoxious–but not responding or giving in is an incredibly effective technique. You can give the child a statement of explanation–”I will not respond to you until you use an appropriate tone of voice.” For a younger child, you may need to be more specific, “I will not answer you until you can use your inside voice and speak nicely to me.” Then, it is important that a parent stick to her guns and NOT respond to the request no matter how loud or obnoxious things get. If you are in public, you can certainly calmly pick up a child and remove her to a more private area–but no pleading, threatening, cajoling, or losing one’s temper. This puts the responsibility on the child to get her tone of voice and communication attempts under control–not on the parent to try to figure things our or “trick” the child into behaving.
I have to admit that since I am not, by nature, a very confrontational person, my kids learned quite early that yelling, whining, threatening or other rude talk got them nowhere with me–I simply refused to engage. If they wanted my response, they would have to talk to me decently. There wasn’t any punishment or attention at all for whining or screaming or throwing temper tantrums–they quickly learned that if they wanted attention from me or to have their request entertained, they would have to communicate appropriately.
Also: Do You Talk To Your Kids or At Them
“Oh, Please Stop Being Naughty!”
The Three C’s of Effective Communication