I have been reading a lot about toddlers and discipline lately. One of the things that I have heard about as an effective tool for disciplining children is the concept of letting children experience the consequences of their actions. Parents explain to children that they have a choice as to how to behave in a particular situation, they explain the consequences of each choice, and then they let the children decide which consequences they will experience by letting them choose how they will behave in that situation. On its face, the concept makes sense but what I have been having trouble with is figuring out how to apply that concept to a two year old.
People differ greatly in their opinions of what two year olds understand. While I happen to think that Dylan understands quite a bit I also want to make sure that I am not trying to use an approach to discipline that is over his head. I have tried the choice and consequence thing quite a few times lately and sometimes he seems to understand and sometimes not. For example, I saw him throwing his toys and I explained that he could stop throwing the toys on his own or I could help him stop by taking them away if he threw them again. He looked right at me and threw the toys all over the floor again. I picked them up and brought them to a place where he could not get them. He got mad, but I think that the message was clear and was understood.
I am learning that any difficulties that am having with implementing this approach are probably due to the way that I explain the choices and what I choose for the consequences that are associated with each choice. For example, the consequence has to be related to something in the present moment. If I were to tell him that he would not be able to go outside tomorrow if he did not go to bed on time tonight, he may choose to resist going to bed on time because the consequence is too far into the future for it to be meaningful to him. If the choices are not clear, then he may try to cooperate just enough to “qualify” himself for the positive consequence instead of the negative one. For example of I simply instruct him to “dress warmly” if he wants to go outside, he may comply by putting on a coat but no hat and gloves. If instead I say that he must put on a hat, coat, and gloves if he would like to go outside the message is more clear. Clarity and immediacy are two very important things to remember when using the choice and consequence approach to discipline with your children, especially toddlers.