Watching a horror movie about a giant vegetable devouring everyone in your hometown except your in-laws is one way to spend a quiet evening. It’s quite another to become acquainted with the weird intruders that have invaded your home and nested very comfortably and rent-free in your refrigerator. They live a lush life among those of us of a culinary bent who cook a lot and have many leftovers.
One of the problems with leftovers is that after a day or two I forget they are there. They are only brought to my attention if I am searching for something in the fridge and I happen to fall upon something that looks a little strange or hear a little muffled cry from the wilds of the back shelf. If I feel brave, I unwrap the foil. I am always amazed that the smell alone has failed to notify me of its presence.
About a month ago I was looking for a carrot in the vegetable drawer and I found this shriveled greenish thing with flaccid appendages lying under the bag of carrots. It turned out to be a very old head of lettuce, but for a while there I was thinking about The Thing That Ate Cleveland and where he or she was living these days. It was squishy and yucky and I almost threw up when I threw it out. How could I be this way?
How do you know when it’s time to clean out the refrigerator? It will let you know is the answer. Trust me on this, for I know little else. One clear indicator is when the door will not open or close easily. If you ignore that sign from the refrigerator deity, things will only get worse. Soon friends and neighbors will notice vegetation where there used to be enamel and porcelain. The huddled green masses now yearning to breathe free are not anywhere near The Statue of Liberty. They are reproducing in your kitchen!
Use your five senses. (They’re not doing anything anyway.). The power of smell cannot be excluded from this impromptu, albeit insignificant study. We all know that the subject never was roses, but smell along with sight will never fail to direct you to the problem areas in your refrigerator. Proceed gently or your nostrils will never be the same. Talk to the smell and assure it that it will be in its proper home very soon. Then be strong and throw the item out. Whatever it was, it’s garbage now.
The power of touch can be under-rated. Feeling suspicious items can be a bit more adventurous and is not recommended for the faint hearted. There is no guarantee that whatever is inside won’t feel you back and you might not like that. Proceed at your own risk. If you must touch, stroke gently, but throw out anything immediately if you feel any sort of pulse. Better yet, flush it down the toilet where it can’t come back and hurt you. Sometimes, it’s every feel for itself in this selfish world of ours.
Try to find a way to identify the older items in your refrigerator. One cannot ask their age as that is improper, but one can employ other techniques that can help us do so. Different colored foil; use it even if it hasn’t been invented yet. Use green for items wrapped in April, red for December, orange for October etc. etc. This way, one can spot at a glance the old from the new (but not the borrowed from the blue).
Good luck and remember your refrigerator is your friend.
Do YOU put off cleaning out your fridge? Please share your thoughts.