Second marriages can be very rewarding, but it is no secret that second marriages are at a much higher risk of divorce than first marriages. That is a scary statistic for those of us that have been married before. The last thing we would ever want is for our children to go through the trauma of another divorce. So what can we do to help ensure that this marriage is more successful than the first?
One of the most important things in a relationship is communication, we’ve all heard this a million times, but there is more to communication than simply talking. What you talk about is just as important. You need to be clear with each other about what you expect when it comes to your children. What role do you want this person to play in their lives? How will your children be disciplined? What will they call this person? These are all questions you need to ask yourself as you are entering this new phase in your life.
Be in tune to your children’s thoughts and feelings concerning the matter. Be sure to tell them that this new person is not there to replace their other parent. Support and encourage their relationship with their other parent. This person is simply another person in their lives to love and care for them. Don’t be discouraged if your children don’t particularly like their new step-parent right away. They are likely going through some difficult emotions of their own. Relationships take time. Do what you can to nurture that relationship, but don’t force it. Children need their space to be able to sort through their feelings. Listen to them and let them know that you love them.
Don’t rush in to be the disciplinarian for your step-children. Ideally their biological parent should be the main source of discipline with you there filling in as a supportive role to your spouse. Focus on building your relationship before you step in on discipline. Be patient, these things take time.
Blending families is incredibly difficult, but it can be successful and rewarding for everyone involved. You just have to be aware of what your kids are feeling and communicate about what is expected of everyone in the family. In time, things will come naturally and you can have that marriage that you’ve always been dreaming of.