While most adoptive parents choose to adopt just a few children and stay at what is considered a “normal” family size, there are those families that continue to adopt children and end up growing very large. I know one family that has 13 children and they are currently adopting two more. I know another family that has 19 children and they are open to adopting more if God places a certain child on their heart.
One thing that these large adoptive families hear a lot is the accusation that they are “collecting” children. I’ve heard this in a several different places from a number of different people. It is a popular idea in the media – that these people couldn’t possibly be parenting these kids just for the sake of being their parents. There must be some other motive.
So is that true? Are these very large adoptive parents simply collecting children? Do the kids in these homes lose their identity? Is it impossible for these kids to be getting the love and attention they need to grow to be successful, productive adults?
After watching these families, I have to answer with a resounding no to all of the above questions. This is definitely not an instance of collecting children, but instead a willingness to open both heart and home in order to make the difference in the life of a child.
Most of these adoptive families started out just like you or I with the desire to be parents. Some of them had biological children first, others didn’t. When they started adopting, very few of these families ever dreamed that they would eventually be parenting a dozen children or more. Instead, they adopted one child and then another. When you have three children, number four doesn’t seem like that much more. In the same way, when you have 13 children, number 14 isn’t much of a stretch.
Another question quickly comes up. Are these large families really in the best interests of the children? Do these kids have the chance to be individuals instead of simply one of many? After watching these families and hearing the stories of these children, the answer is a definite yes. As a general rule the parents of these large adoptive families tend to be flexible and patient and as a result they are able to find joy in each child and their contribution to the family. Each child plays a valuable part in the family unit.
So, is the large adoptive family for everyone? Definitely not! However, there are the few who are cut out for this type of family. These adoptive parents aren’t much different from you and me – they have just found that this is their calling and their ministry. While adopting a dozen children or more may not be in your plans, I think it is important to respect these families and appreciate what they are trying to do. Large adoptive families deserve our support, our gratitude, our understanding and our respect.