While holding on to the past is a pretty common theme for single parents–and it can take us a while to let go of guilt, anger, disillusionment, etc.–coming to peace with the past and learning to let go and live in the present really is the healthy thing we can do. It is the healthiest things for our families, for ourselves, and for our futures.
Someone once told me that I would know when I had fully recovered from a painful past when I could actually be “grateful” for it. Now, at the time, I thought that was the craziest most co-dependent talk I’d ever heard! How on earth was I ever going to be grateful for some of the painful twists and turns and bumps that life had led me down?!
On the way to gratefulness and peace, I had to travel through anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and blaming. While if I talked to any other single parent he or she could certainly relate and my path seemed incredibly normal–getting stuck in any of those places was not healthy for me or my family. Eventually, I think, if we stay focused on doing the work and trying to create a healthy world for ourselves and our kids, we do get to the place where we can let things go and come to a sort of peace with a painful past. I’m starting to feel waves of gratefulness (although I’m not completely there yet!) so I know that the past is becoming a more and more peaceful place.
Additionally, along with letting go and reaching some peace with the past, we open ourselves up more to the present and the future. We’ve learned some hard lessons and for most of us, this puts us in a place where we are open to some pretty amazing things in our every day lives. But first, we’ve got to put that past to rest.
Also: Revisions and Do-Overs
Fun is Okay for a Single Parent Too