When I was writing about appreciation earlier, I realized that the sister to appreciation, and something equally important in the life of a single parent is compassion–compassion towards ourselves, our children, our exes, even those people who are seemingly out to make our lives even more difficult. Nurturing and fostering compassion can make a huge difference in the life of a single parent.
I thought of compassion, I think because this was a real big stumbling block for me back in the early years after my separation and divorce and when I was working to rebuild my life. The person I had the least compassion for through it all was, surprise, myself! I just couldn’t ease up on myself for all the mistakes I’d made, the personal choices that got me to where I was at and the mistakes I thought I was continuing to make even though I thought I should “know better.” I expected so much of myself. Since I immediately got myself back into school to finish off my degree, in addition to working full time and having my children most of the time–I had a lot on my plate. If I got to work late, or had to drop a class because I couldn’t fit it into my over-burdened schedule, I kicked myself from here to Timbuktu! Not so good on the self-compassion.
Of course, since I was feeling so stretched and crummy, I didn’t have a lot of patience or compassion for anyone else either. What I learned as I recovered and moved out of that stressful period, however, was that self-compassion was one of the greatest gifts I could give myself. And, by easing up on myself, I just naturally eased up on everyone else around me. Whether you call it mercy or understanding or sympathy or whatever–compassion is key to the peace of mind of any single parent!