Well, it’s Boxing Day up here in Canada, which means that it’s one of the biggest shopping days of the year. There are lots of “I wants” still to be filled, I suppose. We had a lovely Christmas, and my daughter acted as the inveterate consumer, getting all but one of the toys she’d asked for. Lucky her. Of course, she doesn’t really realize how lucky she is, because no matter how much discussion and volunteer work we do, she’s only four and she’s still working on empathy. You know, the feeling that the world doesn’t actually revolve around you?
Now, don’t get me wrong – I love four-year-olds. I love them for their vivid imaginations and their ability to play by themselves and assert themselves while at the same time really needing adult guidance and reassurance. Four-year-olds are just starting to learn how to be a force in their own world, and it’s up to us to teach them appropriate ways to do this.
Number one on the parents’ Least Effective and Least Favorite Ways to Make People Do Things list is complaining. I dislike whining very much – who likes it, really? I don’t think that I ever was a whiner. Screaming is more my style. But we must have a complaining gene somewhere in the gene pool, because a certain four-year-old I know has it in spades.
Our solution? Deep breath from parent. Ear plugs. (No, not really). Then repeat: “What do you do when you want something? You ask. Or you wait. Or you find something else to do.” Those are our three solutions, and we will repeat them endlessly, helping our daughter understand what they mean in a particular situation. You’re hungry? Well, you could whine about how no one around here ever feeds you. Or you could ask for food. You could wait until dinner. Or you could find an apple or a banana yourself.
You want to play on the swing and someone else is using it? Well, you could ask for the swing. You could wait until the other person is done. Or you could go to the slide and play and come back later. Hey, you could even do all three!
What do you do when your child complains?