Our youngest has a real problem with hoarding. He saves everything. It is very difficult for him to discard school papers, outgrown clothing and shoes, old or broken toys, anything that Daniel considers his. Food also falls in this category and was the first place I became aware of the problem. When the boys first came to live with us, I noticed within several days, Daniel would hide food in the back of the refrigerator or the freezer. At first I gave it little thought; as time went on, it progressed and small amounts of food were stashed throughout the fridge. Nonperishable food items were hidden under the covers in his top bunk, neatly folded clothing was hidden under the covers at the corner of his bed, along with small toys, his belt, shoes, pencil stubs, pens, and folded papers. It soon became obvious this was not just “messy kid syndrome”. There was a real and obvious problem that needed to be addressed.
I understood the food hoarding. The boys were hungry a lot when they lived with mom. She had severe drug issues and was unable to provide a stable home with regular and nutritious meals, so they ate very little and very sporadically. Most meals consisted of contributions from local church food banks. Dehydrated soups were a staple in the donated grocery order. Daniel would fervently ask for Raamen soup when we grocery shopped and I would find a couple of the soup packages under the covers in his bed.
I began researching the problem and documenting his behavior to get a clearer picture of the situation. I was amazed at the extent of his compulsion. Other odd behaviors he displayed were low self esteem, little or no direct eye contact, difficulty interacting in a conversation, and confused and indecisive reactions when he had to make a choice or reach any kind of conclusion. The latter being the most prevalent. He had an unhealthy emotional bond to his belongings and placed significant value on worthless items. The first volatile confrontation occurred when our third child moved in and we were making room for his temporary stay with us. While organizing dresser drawers, I found an old shirt and a nasty looking pair of fuzzy dice. When I asked Daniel about discarding these items, he became visibly shaken. It was obvious he was distressed and became indignant about my suggestion. The shirt was two sizes too small and the fuzzy dice were extremely stained and dirty. When I tried to rationalize with him, he became angry and indignant. I decided this was a battle he needed to win; the shirt and dice went back into the drawer.
Through research, therapy, and our need to understand and assist Daniel in overcoming his terror of losing his possessions, I began to understand his compulsion for hoarding. While reading on the subject, I found that hoarding is sometimes considered a symptom or side effect of Anxiety Disorder. In my opinion, it is a disorder within itself. It is often associated with Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder also, which follows suit with Daniel’s behavior patterns along with the AD. The root cause for his symptoms is obviously his abandonment by his mother and being displaced with no control over his situation. Therefore he reacts by displaying severe problems with information processing. Making a decision can be overwhelming with an Anxiety Disorder. In his fragile mind he worries that he will make the wrong decision so he hesitates to make one at all. Daniel’s exaggerated attachment to his possessions is his way of dealing with his displacement and bewilderment in being left behind by the one person he trusted more than anyone, his mom. Having tangible items in his possession gives him an exaggerated feeling of ownership and to his way of thinking, some control over what happens in his life.
In my next post I would like to share with you more information on hoarding and the steps we have taken to work with Daniel in overcoming this problem. We have had some success in finding tools that have helped diminish a lot of the behavior associated with his disorder.