Recently a young woman made an insightful comment about the marriages and relationships of some of her friends. ‘They’re so busy looking ahead and planning ahead, they’re not dealing with now.’
I suspect this could be a common problem in many marriages, planning a future but not dealing with the present. So how do we combat this problem? The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open each day.
Perhaps one way would be something I saw once in a movie. I can’t remember what the movie was, but as the family gathered around the table for dinner they each were asked to share one thing that made them happy that day or one thing that made them laugh. In our forums we have a spot where each of us can share something that made us happy today, but why not share it with your spouse as well?.
It’s a good conversation starter. It might be something you saw, something encouraging someone said, good news, a surprise gift, a good result in an exam or job interview or assignment, it might be simply enjoying the people or a sunset or a song or the world around you. It might be an unexpected compliment. It might be something that happened to you or your spouse at work. The trick is not getting so bogged down in the future and what we are planning that we don’t take time to be thankful and enjoy today.
When we set out to look for things that are uplifting, encouraging and just plain fun, we often find them. But if we only look for the negatives in life, we will find them too.
The poet W. H. Auden had this to say. ‘Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.’ So let’s do our best to bring more laughter, positive times and communication each day into our marriages. Let’s concentrate on enjoying and improving the now and not so much worry about the future.
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