This morning I was trying to get my three year old ready to go somewhere. In the process, my baby was crying his head off. I felt discouraged thinking to myself, “I always have to neglect one child!” It’s kind of true in motherhood when you have more than one child isn’t it? So, how can we connect with our kids when there is a new baby in the house, instead of neglecting them? This is not an easy question to answer.
I decided today to go on a walk with the two boys while my oldest is in school. It was the first time in a long time that I was able to do that. It felt really good to go outside, even though it was pretty chilly, and get some exercise for myself! But, something great happened in the process, my little three year old and I had a nice long chat. He was talking to me about everything he saw on the way, and I was able to respond to him, uninterrupted by the baby who was fast asleep in the stroller. Out of the blue he said to me, “Mommy, this is a fun day!”. I thought to myself, how simple is that? A walk everyday with my two boys can help me really connect with one of them. I hope I can make it a tradition.
Much of my time is spent nursing these days too. I hate to admit that I get a little bored with nursing sometimes. I like to be on my Ipod checking facebook, or watching my favorite TV show. But, usually, in doing that, I’m not connecting with either child. Another way to connect with your older child is by finding an activity you can do with them while nursing. I’ve started telling my three year old, when he gets whiney and I can tell he needs attention, to bring me a book. He can turn the pages, and I can read to him while I’m nursing the baby. There are probably a million different things that you can do with your older child while nursing, but you have to turn off the electronics first!
And let’s not forget that it’s also important to have the siblings connect with each other too! When my daughter is in school all day, she comes home and asks about her baby brother. She lights up when he is awake because so much time is spent either nursing or in my arms all day. I realized, she and my older boy don’t get a lot of time to connect with the baby either! So, I’ve started taking the baby into their room with me when I’m getting them ready to go. He lays on the bed and gets to watch us, and smile at us instead of laying in his crib, or in the swing all alone. Sometimes he gets fussy, but most of the time, he enjoys watching what we’re doing, and we can easily turn and pay attention to him along the way.
When you have a new baby, and older children too, you have to get creative. It is easy to feel like a failure and that you are not connecting with any of your children. But, the good news is, that if you get creative, you can find ways to include everyone and make every child feel special. It can’t possibly happen in every moment, but when it does happen, it can be vital to truly connecting with your child.