Consistency is one of those things that comes up again and again in parenting manuals and books—but the reality of life for a single parent can be that trying to set up schedules and remain consistent with reactions and discipline can be tough. Often, we find ourselves just reacting and trying to get through the day. I think it can be double important for single parents to focus on consistency—especially in important areas like rules, expectations and discipline.
Let’s be honest—who among us hasn’t “given in” and let our child stay up later or eat cookies for breakfast just because we are so exhausted we don’t have the energy to put up a fight? Or maybe we’ve come up with a chore chart or a new homework schedule, only to abandon it a few days later because we can’t keep up with the maintenance. This might be understandable in the hectic life of a single parent, but it sends a message of inconsistency and lack of follow-through to our children. They soon learn that if mom has a hard day, or if they squawk or rebel loud and long enough we will give in.
I found that as a single parent without back-up or a tag team parent, I needed to make sure that I only made rules or established expectations that I could and was willing to consistently enforce. This may mean that we have less rules than the family down the block, but the key is quality and consistency—not quantity. I cannot be home every second of the day or be unwaveringly attentive to my kids’ homework—but I can insist on a few key things and be willing and devoted to sticking with those things.
Additionally, a single parent can build in a little cushion or leniency to your consistency. For example, if you know that Mondays are always the most hectic day of the week, make Monday take-out night or breakfast-for-dinner night or homework in bed with pizza night—find a way that you can accommodate a difficult or challenging time, while still being in control and consistent. If kids never know when dinner will be served or whether you will check their homework, life feels less secure and they don’t know what is expected of them. You don’t have to be a hard-nosed, regimented parent to be consistent and attentive.
Also: Trust Yourself
Do We Expect More Responsibility From Our Kids?
Make Sure They Know Who Is the Boss