What is a control issue and what does it have to do with marriage? Control issues usually take place in a marriage when one partner or the other or both are feeling jealous, threatened, insecure or possessive. Those negative emotions can spawn a need to control what is happening in their life, even when they have no ability to apply control or to influence the outcome. It can be even worse for their partner as they try to control them as well.
Loss of Control
Control issues and jealousy do not always go hand in hand, but if you’ve ever fallen down a set of stairs, chances are you are far more careful about going up or down any other set of stairs. At first, you may keep a really firm grasp on the handrail or watch your feet to make sure you aren’t mis-stepping. It can take some time to regain your confidence and even longer before you are just blithe about going up and down the stairs.
While this example may not be the best, it does illustrate our reaction to feeling out of control or injured. It doesn’t matter if we know that all we can really control is our own reaction, when the world seems out of control, we need to feel as in control as we can.
Unattractive Action
Jealousy is one of the most unattractive emotions that you or your spouse can feel. After all, when we’re jealous we tend to be nastier and uglier to our partners even when we don’t mean to be. It’s fairly common for someone who is feeling jealous to say things he or she might regret another time. Jealousy is also a mind-altering experience. When you’re jealous, a perfectly innocent remark or action can be horribly misinterpreted.
If you really loved me, you wouldn’t do those things.
It’s important to recognize that when we’re feeling jealous or a control issue rears it’s ugly head, you have to take a deep breath and a step back from the situation. You need to focus on the facts and not just how confused you feel by your own emotions. As wonderful and powerful as our emotions are, they can get us in a huge amount of trouble, especially if you’re feeling out of control.
How do you cope with feelings of being out of control or jealousy?
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