It doesn’t seem to matter if you have one child or seven when it comes to coping and combating a child’s tendency to blame. If a child isn’t blaming his or her woes and troubles on a sibling, it could just as easily be the dog, a neighbor or the weather. Some parents seem to have more patience with this than I do, but I have found that blame is a surefire way to NOT take responsibility for one’s own life and it is one of the human traits I have worked hard on with my own children.
It seems to be human nature that we always want to find someone or something to blame for whatever goes awry and it is never ourselves. Children start very young with playing the blame game and, as parents; we might actually be modeling some of that blaming behavior ourselves. I’m pretty tough in my family on this particular issue and I have zero tolerance for blame. I would rather hear an “I don’t know why” than to hear someone blame someone or something else for an event or issue.
When my kids were younger and they would start in with the blaming, I would ask them to say, “I am capable and competent and I am in charge of my own life”—it sounded dorky, but I was trying to make a point that it is really easy to abdicate our power and responsibility by placing the blame elsewhere. It takes character to learn to just take responsibility and accept that our life—and all the things that happen in it—belong to us. This is not to be confused with ego and thinking we are the center of everything. Sometimes, things just happen—but if my kids don’t get their homework done, or pick up their rooms, or make it home by curfew—it is ultimately their responsibility and I won’t listen to any blaming (even if there was a hurricane). I’d rather have them learn to say, “I’m late and I messed up” than to come up with a dozen excuses.
In my experience, the only way to combat a person’s (and this goes for children and grown-ups) tendency to play the blame game is to identify it and call ourselves on it every time. It takes persistence to help shape a child’s character and values and we have to work on eliminating blame ourselves, as well as not letting our children get away with it, if we are to truly cope and combat the natural tendency to put the blame elsewhere.
See Also: Why Not Blame Mom?
Avoiding the Blame Game With Your Spouse