Losing your spouse is an incredibly traumatic event, which can be even more painful when holidays or other special dates come around. It is not unusual to dread such occasions or to find yourself filled with emotion and sometimes even anger at being left alone. Grief can do some harsh things to people and can make even simple tasks seem overwhelming. There are a few things you can do to help you get through the most difficult moments.
Let yourself grieve. It’s okay to cry or to talk about things that are painful. You don’t have to keep it all in. Talk to somebody who can listen with empathy. Release is good and necessary. Do however try not to let pain overwhelm every moment.
Try to find joy where you can. It’s okay to laugh, in fact it’s good for you, even though inside it might feel like you’ll never laugh again. Sometimes, the simplest things can ease our pain just a little, such as a baby giggling.
Surround yourself with people who love you and understand what you’re going through. At the same time, don’t be afraid to tell people when you need to be alone. Just be careful not to spend too much time alone or you may soon give in to despair.
Try to find ways to keep busy. You always hear this and it can be frustrating, because you know that doing so will not make you forget and will not dissolve all of your painful thoughts and feelings. What it can do is help you keep going. Try to find something to get enthusiastic about, such as lending a hand to help make the holidays better for someone unfortunate. Secretly choose a name from an angel tree and focus on making the holiday special for your angel.
Try to remember the happy moments you shared with your spouse and know that you’ll always have those memories to cherish. Some people even find that helps to write a letter as if it were to their loved one, in order to express everything they’re thinking and feeling.
Let your family members know if you’re not ready for a typical family holiday. If you normally host extended family in your home, and you’re simply not up to it, ask someone else to step in this year. You can always go back to hosting next year, if you decide you’re comfortable with it.
I’m not a therapist, but I do know what grief feels like. These suggestions are based on my experience. However, professional help is available if needed. I urge you, please seek help if you don’t feel you can cope or if you have dangerous thoughts. At the very least, please call someone to come and be with you.
I wish you peace and comfort. God bless.