I am a backwards counter—I’m absolutely certain I’m not alone in this fine, traditional parental coping mechanism. When my kids were younger, they knew that their normally patient and calmly collected mother was about to lose it when they heard me take a deep breath and start counting backwards. As I heard them joking with each other recently, they knew it was just ordinary frustration when I counted backward from ten, but, if I started at twenty…look out!
I’m not sure what they had to look out for, I’m not really known for my temper tantrums or other dramatic displays of anger. I think it was just the fact that my emotion had changed. I have to admit, however, that counting backwards really worked for me. With each number, I would breathe as deeply as I could and by the time I got down to “1,” I had normally gathered my emotions and such enough, thought of what my next step might be and had myself under parental control. If I was still feeling “on the verge” of losing it when I got to “1”—I’d start over at 10 or 20 again.
I’ve heard of other self-imposed time-outs that other parents use besides counting, but the backwards counting was something I could do in the heat of the moment, under my breath at the grocery store, or any other place where I couldn’t physically get away from my naughty offspring. One mom once told me she was a singer—when she felt herself get stressed and anxious, she would launch into song. I thought that was a fabulous way to cope and send a completely physical message to the kids that mom was at her breaking point. But, it would take a rather uninhibited parent to sing in the library or the doctor’s office.
How about you? Are you a backwards counter or do you have some other way to give yourself a chance to get control and face the kooky challenges of parenting on the front lines?