Have we changed that much in the last eight hundred years? In the sense of romantic fantasy, it would seem that the Western world has changed very little. What was true of perceived romantic fantasy then is just as true today. After all, a cliché becomes a cliché by being true and used, over and over again.
In other words, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
But is it really broken though it has not changed?
Romantic movies and novels paint idyllic pictures of how romance should be. The pictures can be so idyllic that we in the real world fail to come up to snuff of the romantic ideal. For example, how many men do you know will climb the fire escape ladder with roses clenched in their teeth to sweep their Cinderella off her feet?
I’ll admit there are some, but that type of grand gesture seems out of place in our world and in our marriages. Have you ever come home to find your entire bedroom decked out in candles and a romantic table for two set up in the corner with rose petals sprinkled on the bed?
Sadly, I’ve never had the rose petals, although a couple of candles here and there were lit, but never in the bedroom. We’re not up for the fire hazard.
So if a lot of what we see in the movies, on the television and in novels appeals to us, why do we settle for just watching it happen to someone else? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not the most romantic of souls. I find romance in the little gestures and the not the big ones.
When my husband proposed to me, he sent me three yellow roses, six white roses and a dozen red roses over the course of the day. He picked me up at work and proposed to me in the lobby with a set of Pocket Dragons (I collected them) that included the Bride, the Groom and Oh Happy Day(he carries wedding rings on his arms). It was a sweepingly romantic proposal – but it startled me so much, I almost said no. (Another long story there.)
So what can we learn from these rules of courtly love?
I think the moral is simple: being romantic is rare enough in real life that we should treasure those moments when romance does appear and work to make them happen. Up for the challenge of adding more romance and courtly love to your marriage? Pick a rule or three from Rules of Courtly Love (Part I) and (Part II) and invite your spouse to join you in an adventure through time.
Maybe you can write your own romantic comedy or better yet, live it.