Respect and admiration. In order for parents to have a good relationship with their children there must be mutual respect and admiration present, according to Dr. Jerry Day. We should always strive to remain positive with our kids. With the amount of negativity kids encounter daily, our homes should be a safe haven. One filled with positive interactions. We spend a lot of time admonishing kids for things they did wrong and often overlook the good things they are doing. We don’t catch them being good nearly as much as we should. And there are many opportunities to recognize the small steps they are making. Day offers seven ways we can foster a positive home environment.
(1) A sure-fire way to create a negative relationship is to pout and give your kids the silent treatment when they don’t behave as you expect or follow your directives. Don’t do it. Administer a punishment and move on.
(2) Once you discipline your kids, don’t withdraw affection. Play, laugh and spend time with your kids. It’s the behavior that you are displeased with, not your kids; make sure they understand the difference.
(3) Don’t scold for hours on end. Kids will simply tune you out. Say what you have to say and then if you have to come back and address the problem again, do so later when your kids aren’t angry and hurt and will be more willing to listen.
(4) Don’t use guilt tactics or try to shame your kids.
(5) Don’t take it personally when your kids misbehave or break your rules. No matter how much it seems like they are trying to “get you”, they aren’t.
(6) Watch your posturing. Don’t pretend to be mean or make your kids afraid for their lives.
(7) Don’t threaten your kids with an unrealistic punishment that you know you won’t follow through with anyway. Don’t tell your teenager that you will ground him for a year if he breaks curfew again, for example. Unless you are prepared to do so.
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