I was a quiet child. It took me years to develop enough self-esteem to stand up to bullies. I remember being bullied from an early age. This started in very early elementary school, likely kindergarten, and continued far into high school. My daughter is a similarly quiet sort, except at home, of course. As we prepare to enter public school next year, I have thought a lot about the ways in which our current preschool helps to create an environment that reduces bullying.
Preschoolers are just learning social skills – many adults are still learning these skills! But they do need to learn how to set boundaries in a polite manner, not an exclusive and mean manner. We have a preschool community with many energetic children and children who are not afraid to state their boundaries. Energy is fine and expected, but it can be overwhelming to quieter children. Quieter kids need to learn to distance themselves from that energy or to become part of it at times. When children hurt other children, this needs to be redirected and discussed, whether that hurting is social or physical.
While I tend to try to avoid helicopter parenting, I do see a place for parent and teacher-led problem solving in preschool. Preschool-aged children are not ready to have the social graces to ask to be included, to deal with exclusion and to state boundaries in socially-acceptable ways. It’s normal for kids to say inappropriate things, but if they are left to their own devices, cliques can form. Somewhere in between those two things, an adult should intervene to help them moderate this behaviour to be less hurtful.
Our teachers are also right in there with the kids, helping them solve social problems. Our teachers do a great deal of running around with the kids and moderating so that the children can be energetic but don’t hurt others. The community of parents at our school is very welcoming. Although incidents that feel like bullying might occur, the parents would not encourage them and would either direct the children to be more inclusive or to set boundaries politely.
As we move into kindergarten next year, I hope to find and create a similarly positive environment for my child there, although I must confess to having some trepidation!