It’s far too easy when a child boomerangs to let them move back in and resume old roles. You’ll start to look after them, your spouse will ask them to kick around the ball or give them some handy cash if they need it. In the worst case of scenarios, your boomerang will start sleeping late, forgetting to pick up after his or herself and make demands on the menu and much more.
Create House Rules
We discussed some house rules you need to set up with your child in Are Your Boomerang Children at Home? but there are other rules you need to establish both for your boomerang child and for yourselves. For example, no matter how much you may want to, you need to avoid the following:
- Doing all their laundry
- Picking up after them
- Paying their bills
- Driving them around or giving them free rein in your car
- Catering to their whims and needs
Part of the reason you need to decide on this is because you and your spouse are going to be very attempted to fall back into your old roles. You are both parents, you both love your children and you both want to do what is right for them. But when you create a very comfortable, safe haven for them to return to and stay in, they may be hesitant to ever leave again. For some families, that’s great and I know many where the adult children have remained and lived for the rest of their parents’ natural life, but when that elderly parent dies – suddenly they are faced with an incredibly difficult dilemma, they may be in their 50s, but they have trouble surviving on their own.
For Your Child
Remember that your boomerang child, while always your baby, is not a baby and not a small child. They do not need you to change their diapers nor make things as simple as possible. So it’s important to create rules that are about mutual respect and care. For example:
- Create rules about socializing at home, chances are you don’t mind if a friend or two comes by, but your child needs to recognize that this is your home and you’re not going to want large parties or even overnight guests crashing throughout your house
- Living at home, doesn’t mean coasting along with a free ride, your boomerang children need to contribute. Most boomerang children return home either at the end of a bad relationship or due to loss of financial circumstances – so provide comfort, but encourage them to get back on their feet by contributing to household expenses and caring for household chores
Part of the reason you need to do these things are both for the well being of your relationship and the well-being of your relationship with your child and for the individual well-being of the people around you. It’s equally important that the boomerang child return to your home only after you and your spouse are in agreement and that your boomerang child doesn’t play one of you off the other. This isn’t going to be healthy for any of you involved.
If your spouse is not your child’s natural parent or if it is your adult step-child moving in, this still needs to be a joint decision for the two of you and it must not be about you or your spouse choosing between your relationship and the relationship with your child.
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