Hello, My name is Myra and I have come to the realization that I am a control freak. Not all the time, mind you, but definitely when it comes to Tyler. Let me explain. Last Saturday we took a trip to the mall so that Tyler could spend his report card money. I also needed to get him a pair of new shoes for school and a pair of every day shoes and two new pairs of uniform pants. I had decided that I would let him spend his money on whatever he wanted to and he could also pick out his shoes.
Normally, when Tyler has money to spend I try to steer him to what I think he should buy. Even though it’s his money, I hate to see him “waste” money on what I consider junk. In this case, he had earned the money by making all A’s during the second quarter and making perfect 100’s on the CRT test. So by right he should have been able to spend it the way he wanted to. He told me right away that he wanted to go to K-Bee Toys. He had gotten some good deals from there in the past so I figured he might hit the jackpot again. Especially when we arrived and I found out they were having an after Christmas blowout sale.
Tyler knew exactly what it was that he wanted. His first choice was some kind of gadget with little interchangeable chips that you shove in and play games. Games that, frankly, I have yet to figure out what the attraction is. The cost: $15. From there he had to decide what he wanted to spend the rest of his money on. It took so long for him to decide what he wanted that when we got to the check out the cashier said, “Ya’ll were back there sooooo long, I thought ya’ll was camping out!”
It was hard for me to let him make his own decisions. But I realized that in doing so I am cutting a little bit of the apron strings. I can’t very well tell him that he’s a big boy and then not allow him to spend money that he earned on what he wants. I explained to him a long time ago that we don’t do guns, even the water pistols, and he’s never asked for one. Everything else should be fair game.
When we shopped for his shoes I allowed him to decide which pairs he wanted, and then we went to Books A Million and I let him pick out a few books that he wanted.
The lesson that I have learned is that I don’t have to control every decision that Tyler makes. In fact when I step back and let him do his own thing, it sends a message to him that I trust him to make his own decisions which in turns boosts his self-esteem.
See also:
Using SODAS To Help Your Children Make Decisions
What Do Kids Need More: Structure or Freedom?