I know that the Fatherhood Blog covers the issues of fatherhood more intimately than this article will attempt to. This post is also written from the perspective of a mother who grew up without a father figure of any kind. It’s important to understand that children need specific types of attention when they are growing up. This starts when they are babies.
There is a great deal of focus in the world on Mommy and Me classes or Mother’s Day Out. There are books by the thousands written detailing the special bond that exists between a mother and her baby, but little seems to be offered about the bond between Daddy and Baby.
Many new fathers are flummoxed by everything that is going on when the new baby arrives. Grandparents and family will descend. Moms become ultra protective of their young and hesitant to relinquish their baby to anyone less experienced than they. A lot of moms that I know will make comments either offhand or even jokingly that their husband’s have no idea what they are doing.
However, if daddy doesn’t get the time with baby, then daddy will not get the same learning curve that mom does. A lot of little girls grow up playing with dolls while their future husbands and fathers do not. Girls are encouraged to nurture and to care for the young. It’s not always the same with boys. So fathers start out the game of parenthood already handicapped.
That’s why it’s up to Moms and Dads to make sure that Daddy and Me time happens. Dads need to handle feedings (if mom is nursing then invest some time in a breast pump to fill a few bottles so that dad can enjoy the privilege.) He needs to have time with the changing and the burping. But he also needs to have the time to talk to the baby and to get to know his child’s personality.
Both baby and father benefit. The baby learns more about daddy through his voice and mannerisms. After all, most babies have heard their daddy through the womb long before the baby is born. So they are not dealing with a total stranger.
They say babies are born looking like their daddy so that the father will be able to bond more easily with his son or daughter. Yet looking alike is not the only way to bond. A father who never holds his infant, who never soothes their tears, who never experiences their open mouthed kisses or their burbling infectious laughter, is missing so much from their life.
Encourage daddy and me time for the baby and for the daddy. Moms, I know how I felt watching my husband cradle our daughter and read to her when she was just three days old. He was absolutely terrified and reverent. In his whole life, I do not think he ever experienced such a wave of gentleness as he did when he held her.
I encouraged him to spend all the time he could with her when she was little and that has not changed today. My daughter’s relationship with her father is very different from her relationship with me. It should be. I’m Mommy. He’s Daddy. She deserves both. Single parents face the greatest difficulties in making sure those bonds are nurtured and it can be hard for the parents and the child.
But remember, involvement doesn’t come with an engraved invitation. Parents have to involve themselves. So take time for baby and daddy today and every single day. Make the most of it. Our little ones don’t stay little forever.