Dating as a single parent is difficult, there is so much more to consider now so the people you are looking to date are different than the people you would have chosen when you didn’t have children. You want someone who is family oriented, who is going to accept your child as part of the package. Often I see women who are looking for those things but aren’t quite as accepting of men in the same situation.
It used to be rare for a man to have sole custody of his children but it is becoming more and more common. Just like you, they are not looking for another parent for their child but for someone who will accept their child and be his friend.
When you are dating a single dad with custody it’s important to remember that the things that you want someone to understand are also the things he needs you to understand. So, just as a friendly reminder, if you are dating a single dad, try to remember the following.
This is a package deal, his kids are just as important to him as yours are to you. Treat them with respect, treat their needs with respect.
His time is limited, just like yours. It is often difficult for single parents to date each other before meeting each other’s children. The logistics of coordinating babysitters for all the children, at the same time, can be a challenge.
Please be flexible. Kids don’t always get sick or have a melt down at a time that is convenient. If he calls and says the babysitter cancelled or his little one is not feeling well, accept that at face value. He’s not trying to blow you off, sometimes life with children is unpredictable.
Do not force the issue of his kids meeting you and your kids. Some people have very firm timelines when they feel it is acceptable to introduce someone they are seeing to their children. Respect that. If you are comfortable after a month but his timeline is three months, remember, it’s nothing personal, he knows his kids best.
Do not discipline his children. We all parent differently and what is not acceptable to you may be acceptable in his home, and the reverse will be true as well. Sometimes it’s difficult if he allows his children to do things you don’t allow your children to do. Just remind your child that different families have different rules and they still need to follow yours.
Do not get into the middle of their relationship with their ex. When you are dating this is not your area of responsibility. You can offer advice, if he asks, if he doesn’t, keep it to yourself. Every divorce is different and the dynamics of every couple is different, what works for you and your ex, may not work for him and his ex.
Most importantly, be a friend first. The best relationships are built on friendships. When you take the time to get to know someone and build on that friendship you will have a solid foundation for all of the children involved.