When it comes to teenagers there are a lot of dating woes. Heartbreak, disappointment, and confusion are just some of them. Although I do believe that in some cases (rare though they may be) it can work out, in most cases dating as a teenager creates unnecessary woes.
My husband and I have never really had a firm plan when it comes to dating. When my children were younger we tossed around some thoughts and ideas. We figured it was best to wait until that time arrived. Well, we are there. Our oldest son turned 16 this month. It seems that 16 is a typical age in which many parents will allow their children to date.
Now we have somewhat of a plan. However, it’s not a one-size-fits-all dating plan. We would like to see our children avoid many of the dating woes that naturally come along when this new stage in a young person’s life begins. So we are taking it on a child-by-child and case-by-case basis. That’s how our discipline has always been. We don’t follow one particular method. It depends on our child and the situation.
Now I have had somewhat of a chance to see how this works in another teenager’s life. My best friend has a teenage daughter and recently she was allowed to date a young man from our church. I have to admit that it was kind of nice to be on the sidelines watching this unfold. It gave me a glimpse without having to experience it myself. Sadly but not surprisingly, it hasn’t turned out well. Her daughter fully gave her heart over and just last week he completely broke it. Now my best friend has to help her daughter recover.
I remember the strong feelings that can be aroused when dating. You truly do believe that you love the other person. But most of the time, teenage dating doesn’t last long and so a broken heart is one of the worst woes you can face.
So you might think I have decided that in light of what has happened my son will be forbidden to date. Not true. We told our son that he had permission, depending on the situation and the girl, to date. Now we are not talking about one-on-one dating. The church we attend really focuses on group dating/friendships. We don’t believe in allowing a young boy and girl to be alone. My husband and I believe that developing a friendship where there is interest in one another is okay. I certainly can’t expect that my teenagers won’t have feelings for someone of the opposite sex. So I think parents do need to be realistic.
Despite our permission he has not run out and picked himself up a girlfriend. We specifically told him he had permission because of the type of person he is, the values he has, and because he understands our standards. Even as I gave him permission, deep down inside I knew he wasn’t ready and so he wouldn’t jump at it.
In a nutshell I do believe that dating creates a lot of dating woes that can be avoided. At the same time I know that every situation is different and parents need to be cautious and balanced when it comes to making decisions about dating.
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