You know, I had to think about it. Is today Day 8 or Day 9? Or was it really day 7? I’m starting to lose track. I wrote about slipping yesterday and how it made me feel. I was surprised by how much the cigarette did not fill that need. It’s amazing to be so dependent on something for so long – to crave it and to feel irritable and grouchy about it and to finally cave and give into it only to discover, hey – that’s not really what I wanted after all.
Makes you wonder what the heck the appeal was for in the first place?
Trouble With Concentrating
The trouble I have been experiencing with concentration seems to be getting better, though I have to say that my writing is still taking a beating. I used to generate on average 20,000 + words a day. I think in the last few days that I actually bothered to count, I didn’t get over 5,000 words. It’s not that I am not taking the time and it’s not that I don’t have the time, but I seem to be having a hard time staying focused on what I am doing.
Of all the things I write here, these particular blogs where I talk about cigarettes and I talk about quitting smoking seem to be the easiest because it’s ever present on my mind. That realization that the cigarette isn’t what I wanted does seem to have helped. I feel a little more clarity today, a lot more focus. I’m far from being a non-smoker yet and I will likely slip again before this is all said and done, yet at the same time – I feel a greater sense of purpose than I did before.
If I don’t want cigarettes, why am I having such a hard time letting them go?
Nicotine
Nicotine is an addictive substance. It is the reason people smoke, but I’m wearing a nicotine patch – so I am still getting the nicotine into my system even if I am not breathing in all those carcinogens – so what’s the deal?
I think for me and if you have never been a smoker, you may not understand this, it’s the absence of a familiar event. Every morning after getting up and feeding the dogs and letting them out, feeding the cats and getting them settled and straightening the kitchen up while I waited for my coffee to make, I would pour a cup of coffee and step out for that first cigarette of the day. It was part of my ritual and now that part of my daily ritual is gone.
Yes, I had a number of daily rituals that involved smoking and it’s like abandoning all of them simultaneously and having nothing there to fill that vacuum. It’s hard, I have to fill in those spaces and crevasses with other activities and I know eventually that the dissatisfaction and the longing for the familiar will pass – but until then, I just have to keep reminding myself that for every cigarette I don’t light, I’m that much closer to my goal.
So if you are out there and you’re struggling with quitting, understand that you’re not alone in this and I’m here for you if I can help.
Related Articles:
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10 Reasons to Be Thankful About Stopping Smoking
Day 5: My Throat Hurts & My Sinuses Hate Me