Now that my children are older, we can joke when someone gets a little bossy and say “You’re not the boss of me!” which is really a throw-back to when they were younger and it seemed that someone was always trying to tell someone else what to do. In reality, most children seem to hit a place when they turn five or six where they want to be in charge—they want to be the ones directing their world and getting everyone else to behave according to their bidding.
Of course, children don’t really want to run the household, pay the bills, and do all the drudgery that goes along with being the one in charge. But, they do get to a place in their development where it is important to have more “say” in their daily lives. This can mean trying to get mom or dad or siblings (or pets or neighbors, etc.) to give in, give up and do things the child’s way. The most common means to this end can be manipulation, power struggles, tantrums, whining, etc. These are common behavior complaints for parents of the young school-age child and they all really come back to a child’s need and desire to be in charge of his or her own world!
So, what can a parent do—especially if you’ve got more than one of these little power-hungry creatures? Well, keep your cool and let your child control whatever he can. You may be used to deciding what he wears, eats, the daily schedule, etc. And, while you will want to keep some consistency, let go of the things you can to give him a sense of having some control. It is important to NOT sent a precedent for letting yourself get manipulated so don’t give in to the whining and tantrums, find other ways to reward responsible behavior or ignore the power struggles while letting the child control as much of her environment as is feasible. As a guide, I tried to let my children be in control of things and space—and not people. They didn’t get to tell other people what to do, but I did allow them increasing control over their own stuff, space, and world and this seemed to help us all cope with the onset of the “controlling years.”
See Also: Five Ways to Deal With a Power Hungry Child
Using Brain-dead Phrases to Nip Power Struggles in the Bud