One of the inevitable developmental steps for a child in the early elementary school years is what I used to call “bargaining”—my own children seemed to go from demanding and throwing fits when they wanted something in the toddler and preschool years, to begging, pleading and bargaining when they hit kindergarten and first grade. I couldn’t decide what drove me crazier—the temper tantrums or the stubborn pleas and bargaining!
When I remember the onset of the “bargaining”—I remember everything from the “please, please, pleases” to the “if you get me this, I’ll clean my room for the rest of my life,” to the manipulating, “I’m not going to go to school if I can’t have a new bike.” Of course, there were also plenty of the “I love you so much, you’re the greatest mom in the world—can I have ice cream?” With three kids so close together in age, they came up with all sorts of bargaining tricks both individually and creative collaborations of group pleas and bargains. How did I cope? Well, I admit that sometimes I coped much better than I did at other times!
I think it helps to decide what you will and won’t go for and stick to it no matter what. Of course, there will always be exceptions and we may find ourselves giving in when we’ve got the flu or are facing some other distracting crisis—but the more consistent we can be the better. It was during this stage that I developed the phrase: “I’ve already answered you, please don’t ask again.” I probably said that phrase as many times as I heard, “Please, mom, please!” It helped if I actually walked out of the room when I said it (granted they didn’t follow me, which they were apt to do).
Some parents have a much higher patience threshold than I and some are even able to learn how to use the bargaining stage to their advantage. I just learned to cope by not getting sucked in, buttered up, manipulated, or coerced. I wish I could say that I was foolproof, but of course I wasn’t. Still, I found that the heavy bargaining years did eventually dissipate (to be replaced by all sorts of other wonderful child development phases.)
See Also: How Much Drama Can You Handle?
Selective Silence–Sometimes Less Works Best
What Are Your Biggest Parent-Child Battles?