I am reminded of an episode of “Family Guy” were Peter punches out a rock star for saying “This one’s for all the ladies in the house.” It was a funny episode, but the truth is, unrealistic jealousy will tear apart your marriage.
Jealousy is about insecurity and fear, it is also about control. If your spouse has a fit every time you want to go out with your co-workers after work or spend time with a friend of the opposite sex, this could lead to some very serious problems, including spousal abuse and altercations between your spouse and your friends. If alcohol is involved, it could be a very dangerous mixture for everyone.
Let’s explore the insecurity aspect of jealousy. If your spouse is insecure, it is because of low self esteem on their part-unless it’s about actions on your part. If you are staying out late with a friend and don’t call or involve them in any way in your friendship, especially if it’s with the opposite sex, then you may need to make some adjustments in your behavior. But if your spouse is clingy and whiny because you have friends, you both need to agree on the boundaries of your relationship, and stick to them.
Everyone should be able to be friends with whomever they want. Demanding that your spouse not have friends because you are jealous (and mistrusting, by the way) means that you are trying to control them. You have no right to do that. Think about it, do you really have that little regard for your spouse’s choices, or think that little of yourself that you’re sure they will cheat on you if left alone with someone else? If that’s the case, you need to reevaluate your relationship. If jealousy leads to breaking up, you need to look at your part in it and change that characteristic of yourself before entering into another relationship, or you will repeat your mistakes, guaranteed.
The other school of thought on spouses and jealousy is that you need to do whatever it takes to help your spouse feel secure in your relationship. I do not subscribe to that thought. You are both adults, not high schoolers, and need to act like grown ups if you are going to have a grown up relationship. Some suggestions for stopping a jealous spouse? Invite them along, it works every time. When they get to know your friends and co-workers and see what nice people they are, your spouse will be a lot more likely to not pitch a fit when you want to go out with them, and if they feel a part of, the jealousy should end there.
If the jealousy is about imagining you are looking at other women or men while you are out, forget it. Looking at other people is a natural characteristic of humans, and if they think you are going to run off with a stranger just because you looked at them, well, silly and childish, I say.