One of the ongoing discussions taking place since the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary is how the survivors are going to cope. Fearful children who are afraid to return to school, some asking if there are anymore “bad guys.” Or having to explain to them why their teacher or friends won’t be returning.
Then there are the horrific images that some of these children witnessed. The sound of gunfire, hiding in closets and so much more than we can probably only imagine.
I wish I had answers as to how a parent can help a child cope after a tragedy. While I don’t have experience with a situation of this magnitude, I do know what it’s like to have a child experience fear after a traumatic event.
Now in the military, my oldest son’s life was quite shaken up his first year of high school. I will never forget the text message that I received from a friend, asking if I had heard about the stabbing at the high school both of our sons attended.
Thankfully my son sent me a text shortly afterwards letting me know he was okay but that the school was in lockdown. At this point the details were still sketchy. But it wasn’t long after that, he then sent me another message asking to please come get him. The next words were, “My friend was stabbed.”
When I arrived at the school, it was madness. Parents and students, police and news media were all over.
It turned out to be a very close friend of his, who had been sitting that morning at a table that my son is normally at. But I just happened to be running late that day, so he never made it to the table.
Another boy that often joined them suddenly pulled out a knife. My son’s friend said it was like a cloud of darkness came over him. He started to run but the boy with the knife chased him and stabbed him in the back.
After surgery and time in the hospital, he came out alright. But it shook my son to the core. He was terrified to go back to school the following day, so I let him stay home.
Thankfully it was then the weekend, so he had those two days to recover. I guess that would be my first suggestion. Don’t rush a child back to school after a traumatic event. They need to be ready.
When he did finally return, he was paranoid and felt like he couldn’t trust anyone. We talked a lot about those feelings. That is my second suggestion. Let your child know it’s okay to feel those things but talk through them. If it becomes irrational however, you might want to seek counseling.
The other issue he dealt with was some guilt. Although he was obviously relieved that he never made it to school on time (who knows how the situation would have turned out), he felt a little guilty.
It’s normal to feel that way. But you don’t want your child to remain stuck there. It’s so important they understand that they aren’t responsible for the outcome.
I have never believed that time heals all wounds. But it can be a critical part of the healing process.