So, you have trouble getting along with your neighbor or someone in your church? Or maybe it’s someone in your own family? What can you do about it?
It’s a fact of life that at times, some people rub us up the wrong way. Even other Christians can aggravate us and be hard to get along with. Why is that? Years ago I was involved in a Christian group and having difficulty with one of the other ladies. I commented to a friend about how hard I found this woman to get along with. My wise friend said, ‘I’ve found the faults I notice most, that irritate me in others, are usually those I have myself.’
I heard the words she said but also what she didn’t say – that I needed to look at myself and see the faults in my life. As I considered myself and this woman I realised my friend was right. The reason I was picking up on the faults in this woman’s life was these were exactly the faults I was dealing with, faults that annoyed me about myself. Carl Jung is right when he said, ‘Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.’
So, once I knew what the problem was, how did I deal with it? The first thing was to pray for God to help me deal with the sins in my life. I also prayed for God to help me love this woman. Then I prayed about those negative feelings for the other lady and kept praying for her, trying to see her as God saw her – as someone He loved, someone He sent His son to die for.
I discovered it’s hard to be irritated or angry with someone for long when you are praying for them. So if you’re having trouble with a person in your church family or community who rubs you up the wrong way, can I suggest you pray for them and pray for God to help you change your attitude about the person as see them as someone Jesus died for and loves.
Another piece of advice comes from Dale Carnegie who says ‘Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.’
If you want to develop Christian character, attributes and self control, look for the positives in people, and especially in those you find hard to love, hard to get along with. It’s always easier to find the negatives rather than look for positives.
When I looked for the positives in this woman I had difficulty with, I found she was committed to the Lord, she was godly and she was organised. I focused on those attributes rather than the negatives. Thank God for their positive qualities and leave it to Him to deal with the negatives.
Recently I reviewed ‘The Daring Book for Girls’ for a future edition of ‘Viewpoint Magazine – on Books for Young Adults.’ In the review I picked up on one comment made by the authors in the section giving advice to girls about boys.
‘Don’t try to make a boy change for you – it is important to appreciate people for who they are.’
I think that doesn’t just apply to boys but in all relationships. We might change it to read. ‘Don’t try to make another person change for you – it is important to appreciate people for who they are.’ Too often we expect people to change to accommodate us, when really we are the ones that need to change – in our thinking, our attitudes and our actions.
Please visit these related blogs
Smoothing out misunderstandings
Attitude check
Putting it into practice