Living with a complainer can be very wearying. You know the sort of person I mean, the one where no matter what is happening it’s not right. They have to have something to something to complain about. It’s not just the things like the weather or what is happening in the world, they complain about other people and what they did or didn’t do.
Just being in the company of such a person for a short time can be very wearying. I’m thankful I am not married to a complainer but I know people who either are or have been and I know people who are by nature complainers and it is very hard to deal with long term.
Why? Because the complainer saps your own spirits. They end up making you feel worse about what is happening, worse about yourself. The complainer can make you feel it’s all too hard trying to maintain a relationship. Thankfully I am not married to a complainer.
In my view, complainers are best taken in small doses. But in a marriage relationship that is not possible. So what can you do if you are married to a complainer?
Perhaps the first thing is to try and treat their comments lightly and don’t dwell on them. I have to do this with someone I know. And it’s not always easy to gloss over the complaints when sometimes they can be hurtful. You can jokingly present the other positive side, so at least it gets them seeing there is another way of looking at things. This is helpful for glossing over smaller complaints but not big issues.
For bigger issues you will need to sit down and explain to them just what wearying effect negativity and complaints have on other people. The reality is that sometimes the complainer isn’t even aware they are complaining until it is gently brought to their notice. If they know it can affect the spirits of other s and especially the one they love, they may try to be more thoughtful and careful about what they say and how they say it.
I’d love to hear anyone’s ideas about living with and dealing with a complainer.
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