When there is an issue with the extended family, how you you deal with it without causing harm to or conflict within your marriage?
The in-laws are and important part of your spouse’s life, which automatically makes them an important part of your life. While it isn’t always easy to have complete family harmony, it is crucial to understand the needs of the extended family and work though conflict.
Work together
When an issue comes up with the in-laws, you should first solve it with your spouse. Discuss the issue together and avoid accusatory statements, such as “Your mother always…” Try to focus on the actual problem and develop a solution that you are both comfortable with. It is important to never put your spouse in a situation where he or she is outwardly forced to choose between you and a relative. It is almost impossible for any good to come of this.
Decide the ground rules
As a person of Italian American decent, the importance of family, including extended family has been part of my culture growing up. That said, if a situation really became sticky to the point where I did have to choose between the two sides, I would have to make a decision based on the safety of my immediate family, which is my husband and children. That doesn’t mean that compromise can’t be met, only that I know what the ground rule is for us. I won’t be asked to choose, but I already know what to do if such a dire situation should come up. Having ground rules concerning the kids is important too and can eliminate an issue before it gets started.
For example, our kids always must be in car seats when they travel, despite how vocal the in laws may get, and we won’t co-sign loans for relative’s business ventures. Other issues can be let go, such as too much candy or spoiling the kids on visits or having to change non-critical plans at the last minute to accommodate a family party or visit.
If you don’t know what the ground rules are, sit down and discuss it with your spouse to save yourself a lot of headache later.
Mary Ann Romans writes about everything related to saving money in the Frugal Blog, creating a home in the Home Blog, caring for little ones in the Baby Blog and now relationships in the Marriage Blog. You can read more of her articles by clicking here.
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