As single parents, many of us feel stretched and pulled in a thousand directions. Most of us really do want to be all that we can be and this means a great parent, a good friend or romantic partner, a solid and valued worker or employee, a positive citizen, etc. Unfortunately, many of us also wrestle with feelings constantly that we are “not enough”; that we will somehow never measure up to the expectations of others or ever be adequate enough to receive approval, love, acceptance, etc.
As most of you know, I am not a psychologist or therapist or anything marvelous like that, just a well-seasoned and experienced single parent. Talking through these issues with you is more anecdotal and friendly, peer-to-peer, and definitely not meant as expert advise. What I know from my own situation is that those “not enough” feelings may have been instigated by things that happened outside of me in my life (childhood, failed relationships, job issues, etc.), but they are definitely something that I am holding onto myself. I do have the power to shift my thinking and let go of them–it just isn’t always easy.
For me, I’ve learned that those “not enough” feelings are really born out of, and based in fear. I feel afraid that I won’t be able to handle what comes or that I am not worthy, lovable, capable, etc. Those feelings are coming from inside me. Sure, maybe they are a response to things going on in my life, but I can choose to respond differently and decide that I AM enough–I am doing enough, being enough, or lovable enough. I can interpret and perceive things differently.
If you find you are still plagued by those “not enough” feelings and they are affecting your ability to enjoy your family, your life, your role as a single parent or whatever, a little counseling or therapy might be in order. Some people also find that spirituality or reading inspirational books can help them learn how to think more positively of themselves and their efforts. As single parents, it can be tough to feel like we are doing an adequate job keeping all the bases covered–but if we don’t support and encourage our own selves, who will?
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