Dear Kyle,
You’re away for the summer at your father’s house, and I’m thinking of you. I miss you. Your brother tells me you’ve been contentedly wandering and pacing the yard, as you like to do, smiling and thinking about all of your favorite things. Video games. Movies. I wonder sometimes if you think of me, your mother. I know that your mind leans heavily toward logic. Do you ever have longings? Do you ever have a sense that something is missing while you’re away? Do you have memories of times we’ve spent together, or are your thoughts primarily focused in the present?
I remember when you were born and they placed you in my arms. One of our friends said, “He is the most perfect baby I’ve ever seen.” I couldn’t have agreed more. As a young mother, I dreamed that your life would have continued perfection, achievement, and all the typical human experiences that seemed so noble and worthy. But I have learned that I do not always know what’s best. My definition of perfection was flawed. There is peace and fulfillment in the small, tender moments. There is perfection in love which is unconditional. Thank you for teaching me these truths.
I wish I could express to you how happy I am to be your mother. It’s hard when there are barriers to our communication. My soul wants to speak to you. I’d like to convey things to you on a deeper level than I’ve been able to so far. But perhaps some things are better shared through life experiences than through articulation. Besides, I doubt my words could adequately express my feelings. We’ve been able to laugh together, hug one another, and go on many adventures. Remember when your tooth came out as a little boy, and you brought me the tape to “fix it?” Remember the “no no” monster, and “Happy Birthday, Little Gorilla?” How about our camping trips, and our diet Sprite Zero walks? I can’t wait to see what else is in store.
I am grateful that you’re happy and always trying to do what’s right. Sometimes finding the right path is confusing, even for the rest of us. Especially for the rest of us. Your heart is pure, and that’s a lesson for us all. Purity of heart. Kyle, that is your gift.
I’ll be calling you soon and we’ll talk about the fun stuff you’re doing, the places you’ve gone, and the movies you’ve seen. And I’ll keep holding on to the rest of these thoughts, until I can find a way to share them with you.
For now… how about, “I love you?”
Mom
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here.