While making decisions as a parent isn’t always easy, I am finding that allowing my teens to make decisions isn’t much easier. You see there seems to be a fine line between allowing them to make a decision, which means I have to step out of the way, or making the decision for them.
There comes a point in your teen’s life when you really do have to loosen the reigns. I can’t steer them in the direction I would like them to go all of the time. But let me tell you, stepping out of the way is really, really hard.
The problem is that I don’t want my teen to make a wrong decision. I don’t want my teen to make a decision that they will regret. Yes, I want to save them from troubles but I know in my heart that can’t always be done.
Sometimes the greatest lessons we learn are the hard and painful ones. Oh, I really don’t like hearing that but it’s a truth I know that must be applied to my teenagers as well.
My family was recently facing this very issue when my 16-year-old son decided he was done with Civil Air Patrol, a program he has been involved in for over two years now. His goal is to become a commercial airline pilot.
For a time he thought he might want to join the Air Force. He knew that no matter what, he wants to fly. He thought the Air Force may be the way to do it but after two summers of military camp, he realized he is not cut out for the military.
His decision to step out of Civil Air Patrol was not something I embraced. One component to this program is the aviation program. Hello? If you want to have a career in aviation, why would you step out of a program that teaches about that? The problem is that he’s 16 and he thinks he knows everything he needs to know.
The other issue is that he stands more than a fair chance at getting a scholarship for college. Hello? Doesn’t he realize how expensive college is? The problem is that he has no concept of carrying that type of burden. He is probably thinking mom and dad will just take care of that.
It is hard to let teens make decisions that you don’t agree with. In the end, after I tattled on him to my father who introduced him to Civil Air Patrol, he decided to stay in. I know it’s with reluctance but it felt good that it wasn’t because I forced him. Well, maybe in a subtle way I did but in the end, he felt like he had made the decision and I guess that was good enough for him.
When do you know it’s time to step out of the way and allow your teen to make their own decisions?
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