What is it that defines your family? Is your family defined by the people you’ve grown up with? Are they the one’s who’ve been there for you when you’ve needed them? I have chosen three main definitions of family to focus on: genetics, law and special relationship. When looking at family dynamics in adoption, we should know that people use any combination of these to base their perspective, some putting more priority on one over the other.
Genetics: Being united by genes is one way people define family. Some people call this blood relation, or biologically related, and some call it birth family. With 8 blood types, it’s likely many of us share the same kind of blood, so in looking at the term “blood related” being defined as genetic relation, doesn’t have much weight in my mind. Today with so many babies being born to segregate mothers who are impregnated with another couple’s embryo, the “birth mother” definition of genetics also holds weaker in this category because not every mother who has a baby genetically hers has given birth to them.
Law: Those who are family by legal means include: those who are related by adoption, by birth and (not adopted) or, are in their family because legal guardianship was assigned. Obviously, in the case of being born into a family, family is defined not only by law but by birth. In regard to family related by law other than genetics, there can be contentions that arise when someone believes genetics supersede law, like in cases of inheritance after death. Law gives families rights that genetics can’t always do; for example, when a couple adopts a child, or when two people decide to marry.
Special Relationship: In my opinion, this is one of the most important factors in defining my family. My family is made up of those who love me and whom I love as well. They are the ones who, when an argument arises between us, know we still care for each other. They are the ones who I can count on and trust regardless of genetics or law. Families defined by special relationship include best friends, close biological or birth family, family by legal means who are special to you, and even well trusted coworkers.
I think it’s really difficult for some to look outside of their immediate perception of family. When I married my husband, I did not see him less than my family because we are not blood related. Why would I see my children by adoption any different? I can’t see their DNA. I can see their physical characteristics are different from my husband’s or mine; however, we’ve taken on personality traits and mannerisms from each other that show strong resemblance in our family.
So within genetics, law and special relationships, family can be defined by: biology, birth, adoption, legal guardianship, marriage, best friends, and even coworkers.
Melissa is a Families.com Christian Blogger. Read her blogs at: http://members.families.com/mj7/blog