When my daughter was first diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, I went through a brief period of denial. I was convinced that the tests were wrong. Every time the phone rang, I was sure it was the doctor calling to say they had mixed up her blood work with another child’s. There was absolutely no way that my child would be the one to inherit a life-altering, life-threatening genetic condition.
The problem was she did. She has cystic fibrosis and no amount of denial will make that fact disappear. Only through hard work and devotion can we keep her healthy in our race against time to find a cure. I have long overcome my denial over her diagnosis, but fear that other people in our lives still live in denial since my daughter has been so healthy. Being in denial over a child’s diagnosis is harmful to both the child and the parents.
While you may be avoiding your own pain over the situation, the parents of a child with special needs need you to be on board and supportive of the changes that will happen in their lives. Raising a child with a special health need is difficult, tiring, and emotional. Parents can’t do it alone. They are desperately in need of people they can trust to help them care for the child and to give them some occasional respite. If you are in denial and not on board with the new and different ways of caring for this child, you could easily be fazed out of the child’s life. Your denial is not only hurtful, but also frustrating to the parents and your version of “help and advice” will cause more harm than good.
The child who faces life with a special health need will have many challenges to overcome. She needs people in her life who can model hope and courage. Children absorb the behaviors and emotions of the people around them. If you are in denial, and express that you don’t believe she needs her treatments, she will notice that and follow your lead. The same goes for if you model persistence and hope. The child will read into your behaviors and grow up will the ability to care for her own needs, and accept any help she needs.