This is a continuation of my last post. I didn’t have a title for that post until the last minute. The only way I could think of to describe my thoughts seemed ponderously long. Looking for a catchier sum-it-up phrase, I found myself typing, “What Will They Think I’m Doing to One of Their Kids?” Boy is that a self-revealing question! I haven’t felt this worried about how I came across since I was in seventh grade.
As I mentioned, I feel a bit hypocritical. I want my daughters to be around people who look like them. I want them to know about their country’s rich history and culture. I myself have always been fascinated by other cultures, not just the colorful elements of dance, food, dress, holidays and music but the more subtle and challenging differences in worldview. I even love the language of their native country.
Most adoptive parents I know are active in playgroups with other adopted children, maybe attend a Lunar New Year dinner sponsored by the adoptees’ association, take their kids to cultural festivals, learn to cook kimchee or enchiladas or whatever the appropriate cultural food is, and often send their kids to a week-long Culture Camp to learn their culture.
A few of the instructors or presenters at these events are immigrants from our children’s countries who want to teach adopted children pride in their heritage. Often leaders from the local ethnic communities show up to say a few words at the adoptive families’ New Year dinner.
The problem is—despite what both groups say they want, I’ve seen very few linkages between immigrant communities and adoptive families. If you go to a performance or a festival where you don’t know anyone, often you leave without knowing anyone. You’ve learned about a part of the heritage, and your child has had a chance to be in the majority for a few hours. That’s better than nothing. But it’s not really a link with people of that culture.
Perhaps there is awkwardness on both sides. I know I could try harder. I know there are programs linking adoptive families with exchange students. I know where there is a parish of my faith that holds services in the language. All we really have to do is show up on Sunday.
A speaker at a conference I attended told of her adoptive parents’ group forming a link to immigrant groups in her community. Rather than just trying to find someone to teach their kids culture, the adoptive parents made it reciprocal by offering to tutor in the immigrant community.
That’s a model worth emulating.